First, a genuine deep THANK YOU for providing the snapshot. I see how even on a "good" day, it felt almost hopeless. Because my excitement and HAPPINESS was actually a THREAT to my "family." I see how I shrank myself, contorted myself, did ANYTHING to JUST FIT IN SOMEWHERE!!! TO BELONG SOMEWHERE!! I was almost TOO capable for some people.. but not in an arrogant way. Then, if *I* actually needed help or support, I was a "problem" I always liked it to someone with say chronic back pain. Horrible, debilitating back pain. And they're told the "traditional" methods, and lets say they even DO the "traditional" ways, and IT DOESN'T WORK FOR THEM! they even maybe get the "required" surgery. and it STILL doesn't WORK for THEM. NOW WHAT?? THAT is how I feel about my brain and nervous system. I DON'T HAVE a "support system" as a single mom. I deal with narcissistic abuse, massive trauma etc etc. AND AT THE SAME TIME, I will NOT succumb to it.. but..NOW WHAT??! haha well, this group is an example of "now what". Anyway, I'm going to go do my qi gong now. It is part of my new morning routine. And reminding myself I am building my own foundation. Brick by brick. And I maybe don't know WHAT the heck is going to happen. But I DO know what doesn't work. and it is being consumed by intrusive thoughts. I AM SO GRATEFUL to be here! THANK YOU!! DON'T GIVE UP!!!

I’ve needed to go through a big pile of clothes, to decide what to keep and what to donate, for months. I have put it off again and again. The pile glared at me every time I walked into the room where it lay. In my mind, this task seemed HUGE and felt overwhelming because I HATE trying clothes on (I HATE shopping for them too!). This morning I made a deal with myself that if I went through the clothes I would count it as my daily workout which my brain seemed to find intriguing. I pulled the pile of clothes into one location and turned on something to distract my mind while doing it that I thought would last about as long as the task would take, about an hr. And then I started going through the pile one piece at a time. Much to my amazement, I finished in less than 15 minutes!!! It’s interesting how our mind can turn a relatively small task into a mountain of one!