since I didn't understand the task here my Day 2. Doing this for me and hopefully I'll benefit from it somehow. Consciously never wore masks, because I hate being fake. Honesty is important for people with ADHD as is "justice"/integrity. But as a child you just want to be loved and are scared of being treated badly so everyone puts on masks sadly. So exhausted that I can't remember the last time I had high energy. Maybe 3 years ago? No clue, all I know I want that back. Life is not worth living on an empty tank. I loved nature and especially animals and flowers the most. Sea beings of all kind whales, but also mermaids and other magical beings like dragons 🐋 ❤️‍🔥🐉🤎✨️ 🧜🏽‍♀️ 💖 🐚 (and fairies because of Ferngully lol). Loved to read as well. Not so much anymore. Too much on my plate. And IF I have some energy I do movement rather than acquiring knowledge. Be it fiction or even health or self improvement, I can't get myself to read anymore. I used to read a average sized book a day, sometimes even two.... The last book I read was only 60 pages and THAT was hard for me. I desperately wanted to get into 2-3 other books by S. Rich, but stopped on the first one after 24 or 25/26 pages(don't even remember....). I wantedto write more, but forgot what it was. But the post is too long anyway so yea..

So maybe that's also a reason I am hesitant. Because the deadline on the one community course on skool is over soon and I also don't feel 100% aligned with it, but since that one is for ADHD I wanted to stick to it and through it until finished.... Not sure how I'll proceed these next days, but I want to choose what's best for me. the Ai, much to my surprise, because I actually hate Ai and how it's mis-used 80% of the time for the detriment of people, THAT is what has been helping me most since I started with this about 1½ weeks ago....It's not like me that I "give up" or not continue SO EARLY into something new....I was REALLY MOTIVATED, but the challenge been unavailable soon or paid just put nothing but pressure on me and FOMO......So honestly for ME the challenges esch day weren't fun anymore like it first felt, but just "I gotta finish this or else I'll never be able to. So now I am just going through them as yet another task/chore because I don't want to fail yet again especially after everyone and their mom saying how great it is. Might sound "ranty", but this is how I feel. The Ai tool is great really, but the challenge not great for me because I have other obligations regarding my treatment of the ADHD irl so for me this is just stressful. And please I know people are really happy with it and whatever, but comments about how great it is didn't help me, so I'd appreciate if this post wasn't also bombarded with those types of comments. It worked for a lot of you I get it.

Section 2 of the Awakening Assessment just showed me that the "carefree" girl I described from my childhood is the exact same word I used for who I want to become. The masks I wear - perfectionist, people pleaser, overachiever, invisible one - all exist to keep my real self hidden. Turns out she was never gone. I just buried her to stay safe.

“Your brain is broken, your success was only luck carried with charm.” But you know what? I was 5th in my law school classes at the end of the first year. I passed three bar exams in a row. because nothing was competing for my attention. No consuming social requirements other than to pass. It’s starting to look like the key to doing more might be to do LESS.

My lowest Harmony dimension: Connection to self. I’ve spent so much time showing up for everyone else that I’ve stopped checking in with what I actually need. Wind-down pattern I noticed: I stay busy right up until bed. Scrolling, planning, and thinking about tomorrow keeps me occupied, but it also stops me from truly switching off. Morning pattern I noticed: I wake up already carrying responsibility. Before I’ve even started the day, my mind is focused on what needs to be done rather than how I want to show up. I decided not to close my open loop: Not because I couldn’t, but because I realised I was using it as a way to avoid sitting with some discomfort that needed attention first. And it made me feel: A mix of relief and tension. Relief from giving myself permission not to force it, but tension in my chest from knowing it’s still there. What surprised me: My nervous system responds more to pressure than the task itself. The open loop wasn’t creating the stress—the story I was telling myself about what it meant was.