Traveling today to watch one of my younger sons 2 best friends graduate today. He is now officially 1 of 50 in our State Police “SORT”! He’s also one of the youngest to have ever reached this level if not the youngest. He has eaten at my dinner table on average 3 nights a week since middle school and this was always his dream!! I couldn’t be any prouder!! So happy to see him fulfill a life long dream!!

It’s absolutely and completely crippling me, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with. I’m gonna be super open and vulnerable here, and so I do apologize for any rawness or negativity. Growing up, I’ve always been small. Smallest dude in my family. Playing sports I was too skinny. I got muscle, then I was too short. I lost weight from grief, and now I was too short and too skinny. I struggle with really really bad body dysmorphia, and it’s one of the reasons why I rarely send pictures of myself or my outfits here, because of how harshly I judge myself in them. I think the main reason it stems, though I’m no psychology expert, is from feeling helpless, tiny, and worthless as a kid. Growing up with a neglectful, covertly narcissistic dad, I was his golden child. And so love was conditional. I did one thing wrong, silence for days. My family, they had titles for us. And so desperately I wanted to be seen. To have something that separated myself from the rest. Whether it was athletics, music, anything, I was desperate to be seen for who I was, instead of an extension of my dad. I was so sick and tired of being ignored. Being told my reality wasn’t real. And being gaslit. And having seen and experienced a lot of physical abuse myself, and being powerless to stop it, and stop it against those I love, hurts me too. My stepbrother and I were both physically picked on by my dad. And when my stepbrother hit his growth spurt and grew to six foot two, he got left alone and my dad stopped hurting him. But I stayed the same height, and size, and where I was. And so it didn’t stop for me. Now this was long ago, and I escaped it. I stood up to him finally and built a life for myself. I’m safe now, and away from all of it. But it still hurts me. And honestly it stems in this insecurity about my height. I’m the smallest guy I feel no matter where I go. The gym. Church. Church especially. There’s this mold for how guys are supposed to look like. And they’re always tall. I don’t mean to sound like a victim saying this. But it’s frustrating feeling like you won’t be someone’s first pick.

CW = critiques welcome - always! First day back in the office in a few weeks. Other than knowing I will crash soon after just 3.5 hours of sleep last night, it's good to be back. My employees have rocked during my time out and I am grateful for their dedication to the company and each other. Sporting the new pocket square from Crucineli & Bella today and received a few new items while away. Look forward to sporting them soon, but also preparing for another trip beginning next Friday. Crazy summer! Friday’s outfit was built around a warm-weather business classic palette: tan, navy, cream, rust brown, and polished silver/rose-gold accents. The Friday rule was a success: several low-wear pieces came into rotation, including NT-062, DSo-092, CL-034, and PS-042, each showing only 1 actual wear after today’s entry. • Jacket — DOJ-012 (Haspel): A tan cotton seersucker blazer with cream and mid-gray tones, lightweight construction, and a matte finish. This keeps the outfit breathable and relaxed while still giving enough structure for an in-person medical appointment and P3 video calls. • Shirt — DS-010 (Charles Tyrwhitt): A white non-iron cotton twill French-cuff dress shirt with a spread-point collar and mother-of-pearl buttons. The 5.5" spread collar, French cuffs, and high formality score make it a crisp anchor for the tie and cufflinks; use 2.25" collar stays. • Undershirt — US-023 (David Archy): A white crew-neck undershirt in bamboo rayon. It gives comfortable, breathable coverage under the white shirt without disturbing the clean business look. • Slacks — SL-023 (Enzo Tovare): Navy Wool Super 150 slacks in a light worsted fabric with a subtle sheen. These add business-classic polish while staying breathable enough for a warm July day. • Tie — NT-062 (Brooks Brothers): A silk paisley tie in yellow, light blue, navy, and white. This was a strong Friday-rule win, with today being the first wear, and it brings camera-friendly brightness without overpowering the tan-and-navy base.