It’s absolutely and completely crippling me, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with. I’m gonna be super open and vulnerable here, and so I do apologize for any rawness or negativity. Growing up, I’ve always been small. Smallest dude in my family. Playing sports I was too skinny. I got muscle, then I was too short. I lost weight from grief, and now I was too short and too skinny. I struggle with really really bad body dysmorphia, and it’s one of the reasons why I rarely send pictures of myself or my outfits here, because of how harshly I judge myself in them. I think the main reason it stems, though I’m no psychology expert, is from feeling helpless, tiny, and worthless as a kid. Growing up with a neglectful, covertly narcissistic dad, I was his golden child. And so love was conditional. I did one thing wrong, silence for days. My family, they had titles for us. And so desperately I wanted to be seen. To have something that separated myself from the rest. Whether it was athletics, music, anything, I was desperate to be seen for who I was, instead of an extension of my dad. I was so sick and tired of being ignored. Being told my reality wasn’t real. And being gaslit. And having seen and experienced a lot of physical abuse myself, and being powerless to stop it, and stop it against those I love, hurts me too. My stepbrother and I were both physically picked on by my dad. And when my stepbrother hit his growth spurt and grew to six foot two, he got left alone and my dad stopped hurting him. But I stayed the same height, and size, and where I was. And so it didn’t stop for me. Now this was long ago, and I escaped it. I stood up to him finally and built a life for myself. I’m safe now, and away from all of it. But it still hurts me. And honestly it stems in this insecurity about my height. I’m the smallest guy I feel no matter where I go. The gym. Church. Church especially. There’s this mold for how guys are supposed to look like. And they’re always tall. I don’t mean to sound like a victim saying this. But it’s frustrating feeling like you won’t be someone’s first pick.

I’m mastering the art of cooking, every gentleman should know it, in my opinion. Today’s menu item, sirloin steak. I marinated it in a combination of Spanish olive oil, lemon pepper, salt, garlic powder, and liquid smoke. It sits atop buttered fettuccine noodles, seasoned in salt, pepper, and garlic. What’s the verdict?

When watching a new release from Rampley & Co tonight on the regatta blazer, I was blown away by the artistry that goes into the design and construction of a well made regatta blazer. It is pure artistry, with a mix of engineering. I’ve felt this way with ties: some of these are so stunning they can only be described as art. Many other aspects of a gentleman’s outfit can be described this way. So what does that make us, the ones assembling an outfit? I used to say this was art work. Now I think it is more accurately described as a curator. Like a museum curator, we select the right pieces of art to not simply harmonize but to tell a story. The individual pieces can say a lot of diverse plots, but the overall effect needs to tell a unified story. Maybe I’m still askew on my sleep and time zone… PS. I recognize the irony of classifying my outfit assembly as curation when I often use AI to do so 😀

CW = critiques welcome - always! First day back in the office in a few weeks. Other than knowing I will crash soon after just 3.5 hours of sleep last night, it's good to be back. My employees have rocked during my time out and I am grateful for their dedication to the company and each other. Sporting the new pocket square from Crucineli & Bella today and received a few new items while away. Look forward to sporting them soon, but also preparing for another trip beginning next Friday. Crazy summer! Friday’s outfit was built around a warm-weather business classic palette: tan, navy, cream, rust brown, and polished silver/rose-gold accents. The Friday rule was a success: several low-wear pieces came into rotation, including NT-062, DSo-092, CL-034, and PS-042, each showing only 1 actual wear after today’s entry. • Jacket — DOJ-012 (Haspel): A tan cotton seersucker blazer with cream and mid-gray tones, lightweight construction, and a matte finish. This keeps the outfit breathable and relaxed while still giving enough structure for an in-person medical appointment and P3 video calls. • Shirt — DS-010 (Charles Tyrwhitt): A white non-iron cotton twill French-cuff dress shirt with a spread-point collar and mother-of-pearl buttons. The 5.5" spread collar, French cuffs, and high formality score make it a crisp anchor for the tie and cufflinks; use 2.25" collar stays. • Undershirt — US-023 (David Archy): A white crew-neck undershirt in bamboo rayon. It gives comfortable, breathable coverage under the white shirt without disturbing the clean business look. • Slacks — SL-023 (Enzo Tovare): Navy Wool Super 150 slacks in a light worsted fabric with a subtle sheen. These add business-classic polish while staying breathable enough for a warm July day. • Tie — NT-062 (Brooks Brothers): A silk paisley tie in yellow, light blue, navy, and white. This was a strong Friday-rule win, with today being the first wear, and it brings camera-friendly brightness without overpowering the tan-and-navy base.

Two weeks ago, I had the knee surgery done and once the surgeon got into my knee, he discovered that rather than the expected tears in the ACL, MCL, and meniscus, I had a shredder ACL that, as I was informed yesterday at my two week follow up, caused no stability in my knee and explained 95% of the pain I had been experiencing. Now again, two weeks out, I was told to start putting weight on it, ween off crutches, and they took the restrictions off the brace but I will be wearing the brace for the next two to three months. I’m to go full steam ahead with PT and by medical standards, I’m much farther along than a normal two weeks post op. In fact my surgeon was almost giddy sounding when he looked at my repaired knee and how well it looks now, apparently the first time in almost 30 years that I’ve had a fully functional knee. PT and shorts, can’t get pants over the brace, for the foreseeable future.