I need help getting over my height insecurity · Real Men Real Style Community

I need help getting over my height insecurity

It’s absolutely and completely crippling me, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with.

I’m gonna be super open and vulnerable here, and so I do apologize for any rawness or negativity.

Growing up, I’ve always been small. Smallest dude in my family. Playing sports I was too skinny. I got muscle, then I was too short. I lost weight from grief, and now I was too short and too skinny.

I struggle with really really bad body dysmorphia, and it’s one of the reasons why I rarely send pictures of myself or my outfits here, because of how harshly I judge myself in them.

I think the main reason it stems, though I’m no psychology expert, is from feeling helpless, tiny, and worthless as a kid. Growing up with a neglectful, covertly narcissistic dad, I was his golden child. And so love was conditional. I did one thing wrong, silence for days.

My family, they had titles for us. And so desperately I wanted to be seen. To have something that separated myself from the rest. Whether it was athletics, music, anything, I was desperate to be seen for who I was, instead of an extension of my dad.

I was so sick and tired of being ignored. Being told my reality wasn’t real. And being gaslit.

And having seen and experienced a lot of physical abuse myself, and being powerless to stop it, and stop it against those I love, hurts me too.

My stepbrother and I were both physically picked on by my dad. And when my stepbrother hit his growth spurt and grew to six foot two, he got left alone and my dad stopped hurting him. But I stayed the same height, and size, and where I was. And so it didn’t stop for me.

Now this was long ago, and I escaped it. I stood up to him finally and built a life for myself. I’m safe now, and away from all of it. But it still hurts me. And honestly it stems in this insecurity about my height.

I’m the smallest guy I feel no matter where I go. The gym. Church. Church especially. There’s this mold for how guys are supposed to look like. And they’re always tall. I don’t mean to sound like a victim saying this. But it’s frustrating feeling like you won’t be someone’s first pick.

It manifested in a lot of ways. When I got into bodybuilding, it turned into an obsession of compensation.

I wasn’t working hard enough.

I wasn’t eating enough.

I wasn’t… enough.

I missed one meal? Skip the rest and work out as punishment. I almost passed out as a result of that, and had I continued, I could have developed a serious eating disorder.

A lot of it is in my head honestly. Unlike what guys say, girls actually don’t really give me shit for my height. It’s mostly other guys. Maybe a girl occasionally, but it’s foolish to judge someone based on something they can’t control.

But I hate living in this fear of inadequacy. I want to feel good enough. And deep down, I just want to feel like I matter. I want my other side of the family who didn’t see me to finally see me. Part of me just wants to feel… intimidating. Taken seriously. Listened to. And not shelved or laughed off.

Even now, with a girl I’m talking to whom I really like, who’s expressing interest in me now. I’m so scared that she’ll just forget about me if some 6’3 dude walks in with my passions and interests, and I get left behind. I’m so tired of being left behind.

Sorry for the negativity, brothers. I need help here.

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I need help getting over my height insecurity