I have an iphone so use the airtags. I have them on the car key, wallet, bag, in my car itself. My house keys live with me, in a pocket at all times, so there's no losing those. I have a spare that I can sling in any extra random 'thing' where I think I might lose track of it. Last year it was ducktaped to a fan that went into hospital with my father during a heatwave so it could be located if it was taken from his bedside. Super useful things.

Ohhh another rock nerd here! One of the very few regrets in life (and I don't feel bad about this because I'd probably have made the same choices if I could go back and do it all again) was not pursuing a love of minerals tectonics volcanology when I was in college in my late teens. I went the IT route, thinking art was my only other option. If I'd understood about being properly dressed for the weather when out on field trips, maybe I'd have taken a different route through life! Though saying that, I did realise bouldering was not for me at guide camp... 🤣

As an adult coming to the realisation I'm neurospicy, I can understand where you're at. I think my father would react in a similar way. Unlike you, I've not had the courage to talk with him about it yet. I'd suggest looking in to the adult diagnosis because I doubt parents need to be involved in it. It's likely they would be where the diagnosis is for a child, but I think for an adult it would be different. Checking that may lift a burden where you feel your parents need to know/be involved. My mum knows my suspicions about myself, but I have found that in recognising the same in her, it has given me acceptance of my childhood. I didn't realise it but I've always blamed them for some of the circumstances of my growing up. I now understand my mum did the best she could given she too seems to be neurospicy, my brother absolutely is (we've all known that since before I left home decades ago, we just didn't have a name for it back then!) - so how can I be compassionate towards myself without extending the same to my mum. I've realised that it doesn't matter what my parents believe, and that having clear boundaries is helpful (because these were lacking in childhood, and what replaced them was a rigid good/bad moral structure which was... unhelpful.. for adult life). In understanding myself better, I find I have been able to learn how to set appropriate boundaries. To realise I do not have to share everything with them. That I can hold some cards close to my chest. I do not need to be 100% open and transparent, when to do so would cause me emotional distress - they are my parents but I they do not have the right to be privy to every detail of my life - or me. When conversation gets into areas you're not ok with, what about taking a slow breath in (this stops you speaking) while considering what to say? A pause of a few seconds isn't weird in a conversation, and I have found it helps avoid being provoked or reactionary, giving space to think through how you want to respond in a way that communicates clearly what you want to say?

@Suzi Bee Don't force the compassion. If you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. I'm struggling to put it in the right words, but... my compassion towards my parents has only come as a result of finding compassion and love for myself. I have had to learn how to be kind to myself - my default was recriminations, guilt, shame. That thinking towards myself needed to shift before I could I realise my mother is likely also neurospicy - and when I view her actions/words through that lens I also realised she may be struggling too. She might not be expressing things 'normally' but reacting with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame, never being good enough (she's a perfectionist too), not understanding why (or even that) she's always 'been different', and to me it looks like denial, rejection, etc. I think a parent's worst nightmare is their child saying things that they hear as 'your parenting failed me'. But I also think parenting (I have no children) might also be decades of feelings of inadequacy & fear of getting it wrong?... so I think you're right on the money with your thoughts on their reactions. Things were very different when our parents were brought up and even through the shared times - neurodiversity has changed so much in recognition, understanding, etc even over the last few decades. My parents still retain the thinking that 'some things are never to be talked about' and there is resistance there too. I drip-fed information/comments into the conversations over quite some time. A covert approach, if you will. I wanted to have a full and frank conversation but it would have been like throwing my mum face first into a brick wall of information, too much for her to handle. One thing I will say is although it has helped me to recognise it in my mum, that is as far back as I can figure out that it goes. I've a suspicion that perhaps her dad might have been ND too but my memories of him are so faded now, and there's also a perhaps with my dad's father being ND too. And recognising it in mum hasn't really given me answers as such. Her ND is hers, mine is mine, my brother's is his.. we are all different from each other. And I understand my own ND but that doesn't mean my mother understands hers (or that I understand hers) - and the same with my brother.

What jumps out at me is that this feels like you're overwhelmed and can only see what you didn't do. I'm 100% with you on the cold shower thing though! I have read that cold water does have benefits physiologically and mentally, but it's a step too far for me (though I do enjoy a very tepid/cool bath in a heatwave, no shower here). I too didn't close my loop, and I forgave myself for that (it was a decision not to, for me). Forgiving ourselves when we don't manage to do a thing can be helpful, it's a tiny shift away from panic/guilt and a tiny step towards accepting who we are that puts us on the path to working with rather than against ourselves. My evening protocol (though I call it a routine) was already in place before this challenge, but I built it slowly. I looked at what I did before I got in bed, and then thought about 'what one quick thing can I do tonight that will make it easier for tomorrow me'. For me it was washing up any last mugs/dishes so my sink was clear (no dishwasher here) so future me wouldn't come down and be met with evidence of a chore before I'd even woken up properly. Present me gave future me the gift of a clear sink with dishes dry on the draining rack, which brought a small moment of joy first thing in the morning for future me. I tagged that on to the other 'bedtime' things like sorting out a glass of water to take up with me, locking the doors/shutting windows, setting the alarm, turning the lights out. I'd do the 'new thing' first then all the rest, head up to bed. Not saying you have to do the dishes, that was just an example of attaching a new habit to already existing ones. And that's how I built a routine. It was one small step after the next, letting the new thing become firmly meshed into the others, then added another small thing to the routine. Giving myself permission to wind down with a book or watching some tv (nothing exciting/action/horror!) for an hour before 'sleeptime' really helped me so much. The 'gift to future me' thing helped me reframe things away from chores (which carry an element of punishment for me) but as actions that will make my life nicer/better tomorrow. That hour of wind down was a gift to future me too. I was investing in tomorrow's energy levels and happiness -- not (as my brainweasels would want to tell me) NOT me being lazy or selfish or slothful by taking an hour to relax at bedtime.

Yep! Time does not pass at a fixed consistent rate for me, it's very variable. If I get into 'flow state' it passes far quicker than I think, but I achieve a lot! Other times it drags so slowly - until close to a deadline, at which point it's suddently way past when I needed to leave the house and I'm going to be late *again* arrrgh! Doomscrolling - time passes so quickly! I've wondered if this is actually telling me I need to fill my life with more 'phyical activities/doings' and less 'beings'. Setting timers and alarms doesn't even work for me, for some reason... I know the timer's gone off and what it means but it's like that voice is yelling down a well and I'm at the bottom - barely audible 😬😂 I dislike blocking time out on a schedule because my inner self sees this as being controlled and forced into something and rebels against it - hard. I need to drill into why that is and understand where it comes from.

@Sammy Boyster I think I wouldn't rule it out. In my career I've always had a hard time accepting 'we need you to do this' where 'this' doesn't come with reasons that I can see why, or they have not provided the reasons. In a nutshell, if I can understand why, then I'm fine with it (as long as that makes sense/isn't unreasonable to me). If I lack that, and it negatively impacts on me, I fight against it, rather than just doing it so it's over and I get back to what I was doing. It inhabits a similar area to self-sabotague with me (because it often does exactly that) and is something I am working on understanding better, so I can find alternative ways with my alternative wiring.