22 months I've been doing this Work at some level. Every day. Either listening, releasing, or integrating. It's been the most consistent pattern of activity in my life that I can recall. Daily work on a single purpose. It's progressed every day with no standstills. Anger has been maybe, MAYBE, 5% of the early life emotions that have come up...And when it has, it's been very brief of weak. Sadness, anxiety, fear, shame... largely has been the flavor for two years. I mentioned in last weeks call that a 2nd figure has shown up in my visions. One that I cannot clearly make out. He is me, but older than 'childhood'. My original inner child avatar was clearly me at 4-6 yrs old. He's now by my side in my visions, largely smiling, content. The 2nd figure is adolescent sized, pacing, in the distance, sort of shrouded in darkness...He'll turn toward me, yet he's just a dark obscure figure. When he originally appeared, he was physically active in emoting - waving arms, grabbing hair, using muscle tense postures. He's since calmed a bit, but the feels are still here. His face is becoming visible, morphing between different ages & outfits...But they're all adolescent versions of myself - 14-17 yrs old maybe. And he's pissed. The needs not being met...Or love held hostage for 'proper' behavior, being rewarded for being someone else. He's got that smirk like he's over it & ready to fuck some shit up. It feels that he was waiting for that 4-6 younger me to heal until he could have his day. The couple sessions I've done recently have been deep strong feelings. I mentioned in the call of my entire torso releasing energy... Now these are pointed deep in the chest (not surprisingly solar plexus region) and across the mid-lat band of my back. The energy electrifies my arms into clenched fists, like a slack winch line pulling tight against the anchors of my spine & wrist. This is different. It appears teenage me is ready to roll. I'm excited to work through this 'new' prior-season of my baggage. I've not yet had a teen-centric theme. Will be interesting what comes.

I spent the day in my garage undertaking a pretty intimidating project. Insulating and drywalling my garage, my oldest son (only 2) and I really enjoy playing in there but it's so darn cold! So I took it upon myself to figure out what the hell I need to do in order to make the space habitable. I spend a few hours in my garage today, music and podcasts the entire time and when I finished all I could think about was my Uncle Michael... My Uncle has early onset Alzheimer's Disease and has had it since 2020. I've spent a lot more time as a caretaker for him since I found out but through this Work discovered exposing myself to caretaking for a loved one is more than I can handle. Once I finished today, and completely exhausted and sweaty, I just stared in admiration and cried, thinking of only my Uncle because of work ethic he taught me... knowing that if he was still of sound mind he would have loved to have helped me today. In the moment I really thought I had released the emotion, and was listening and present, but the rest of the afternoon was effected by that moment. I knew it, could feel it, didn't really know they "why" just that there was Work to do. It brought me back to Michael, I feel I was attaching to some of the emotion thinking I could keep a piece of him still alive and well and of sound mind. But I was able to release it, and let it go as powerful as it was I had to sit with that emotion witnessing for 10-15 minutes it felt. *Sharing my hard work because I AM proud of it! More not pictured, but you get the idea.

4 weeks into the new job. Triggers galore but also many key wins. I've taken to really leaning on my daily 'check-in's' to monitor and manage the stress. One thing that is recurrent is this sneaky feeling that I'm not doing enough (already). Confidence is there that I can do this, and I show up in every way that I can and will succeed - hell it's actually very similar to my last couple of corporate roles. But I get a ping from my inner child saying, I don't feel safe. You've slacked before, and it's cost you. Nothing lasting, only fleeting. A subtle poke. So, during my 'check-in' yesterday, I witnessed a sadness that turned to anger. And I recalled a memory, fuzzy as it may have been, around the need to satisfy my father. It seemed more of a compilation, an amalgam, than a clear single memory. I sat with it. And as it filled me, in my own voice, I heard someone say, "let that shit go." I found myself to me smirking, and I then said, as the witness, 'you are enough'. I felt a release, then a rush of gratitude. I felt a 'thank you' and a sigh of relief. What's interesting more is that after that, when I started my day, a great number of triggering opportunities came up, typical self-doubt, political drama and such, and I felt relieved that I wasn't attaching to them. I appreciate this space and this work. =) Onward, gentlemen.

And Andrew asks me to comment on which of the long lists have I seen or felt in my own life... Okay then, here goes: How I Feel 1. Anxious (maybe sometimes? I think this is one of the emotions I feel more often than I realize I feel it.) 2. Depressed (definitely not as often as I once did) 3. Exhausted (THIS) 4. Overwhelmed (THIS) 5. Angry (not so much) 6. Frustrated (THIS) 7. Irritable (I mean... if you put it that way... maybe) How I Show Up 1. People pleasing (maybe mildly) 2. Self Sabotage (THIS) 3. Procrastination (THIS, but I'll get to it later) 4. Perfectionism (not so much?) 5. High Achiever (Ha, wrong guy) 6. Mr Nice Guy (maybe mildly) 7. Obsessive (OCD) (I don't think so...) What I Think 1. Harsh inner critic (sometimes) 2. I am not good enough (oof, THIS one hurts) 3. I need to make others happy to be loved (I definitely don't like it when others aren't happy... well, certain others) 4. The world is not safe (not so much) 5. I need to be strong to get attention (hmm, maybe) 6. If I am myself I will be rejected (not so much) 7. I only get love when I succeed (I don't think so) How My Life Looks 1. I lack connection in my relationships (Well, I'd like more connection...) 2. I'm not sure who I am (sometimes THIS) 3. My job is a means to an end with little purpose (not this one) 4. I use drugs/alcohol/sex/gambling/shopping/working/the gym as a coping mechanism (I don't think so) 5. Outside everything looks in control but inside I am drowning (I don't think it looks in control!) 6. I am always worrying about what the future holds (not so much) 7. I live mostly in my head and struggle to feel my emotions (THIS)

In June I decided I was going to close my business down and look for a new corporate job. This was a decision that I didn't take lightly but achieved when I asked myself what's next. It became longer and more treacherous than I had imagined. It called into question so many things and really broke me down a few times. Thanks to the process and the support of this community, I was able to connect very deeply with authentic self and remove the barriers that were keeping me from finding the right opportunity. I'm excited to announce on my 44th birthday today that I accepted a job offer. I can directly attribute this to the work that and support of this group as I turned up in my most recent interviews with focus and without fear. You are important. This work is important. Use these tools. Onward gentlemen.