Do the damn work... · The Lighthouse Project

Do the damn work...

4 weeks into the new job. Triggers galore but also many key wins. I've taken to really leaning on my daily 'check-in's' to monitor and manage the stress. One thing that is recurrent is this sneaky feeling that I'm not doing enough (already). Confidence is there that I can do this, and I show up in every way that I can and will succeed - hell it's actually very similar to my last couple of corporate roles. But I get a ping from my inner child saying, I don't feel safe. You've slacked before, and it's cost you. Nothing lasting, only fleeting. A subtle poke. So, during my 'check-in' yesterday, I witnessed a sadness that turned to anger. And I recalled a memory, fuzzy as it may have been, around the need to satisfy my father. It seemed more of a compilation, an amalgam, than a clear single memory. I sat with it. And as it filled me, in my own voice, I heard someone say, "let that shit go." I found myself to me smirking, and I then said, as the witness, 'you are enough'.

I felt a release, then a rush of gratitude. I felt a 'thank you' and a sigh of relief. What's interesting more is that after that, when I started my day, a great number of triggering opportunities came up, typical self-doubt, political drama and such, and I felt relieved that I wasn't attaching to them.

I appreciate this space and this work. =) Onward, gentlemen.

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