I just wanted to share something that might sound small on paper, but it has shifted my perspective in more ways than I expected. Recently, I had a bit of a health scare. I went through a huge series of tests, and while it’s still going to be an uphill road to figure things out, at least now I have answers. Information. Something solid to hold on to. And that gives me the chance to actually take the bull by the horns and sort things out. As an eating disorder survivor, food has always been at the centre of my life, and not in a healthy way. I mean in the loud, relentless, heavy food-noise way. If you know, you know. The constant calculations. The mental bargaining. The way it takes up space in your head, even when you wish it wouldn’t. The cravings, the boredom eating. The emotional binge. All of the messed up stuff basically. And if you ever had the food noise issue, you would know...it never leaves you alone. I’ve always been a huge sport-oriented person. Since I was a kid. Movement was never the issue. But as the weight piled on, I slowly stepped back from myself for years. I eventually went through bariatric surgery to try and tame the beast, and anyone who’s been through it, or knows someone who has, understands how intense and wild that journey is. At the time, I genuinely thought it would be a magical tool. That it would make me skinny and, consequently, happy. Because if I’m honest, ALL I wanted was to be skinny. It did make me skinnier for a while (the weight came back...not all of it, but a good chunk). It also made me incredibly weak. For a good few years, my body just…wasn’t functioning at its best. There were consequences, real ones, loads are still here and giving me huge issues, and if I could turn back time, I would absolutely approach things differently. I would work on myself first, not just my size. I can’t lie, I’ve never been into fitness/health coaches. I always found the whole thing a bit pretentious, if I’m honest. Maybe that was my resistance to accountability talking. Maybe it was my discomfort with extremes. I’ve never liked the demonising of chocolate or the shouting about missing a leg day. Life is nuanced. Food is nuanced. Bodies are nuanced.

Everyday I am reminded that I shouldn’t take health for granted. It’s one of those things that can so easily slip away. I am happy that I keep working on my movement. I am happy that I keep working on my nutrition. I am happy that I can work on my technique to maximize what I get out of my workouts. I am happy that my husband allows me to go for walks anytime I ask. He is a very supportive partner even with all his insecurities. lol can you blame him I’m becoming more and more beautiful every day his words not mine. Make time for yourself you deserve it. As long as it takes.