I run three companies, have won several awards, work out almost every day, but more importantly, I can finally say that I live a peaceful and fulfilling life. A few years ago, I was an exhausted gaming addict who didn’t even dare to open his own mail. Here’s what happened. The kid with the headphones is me, around ten years old. I spent years escaping into games, because real life felt too overwhelming to face. Later the games became festivals. Every weekend: party, drinking, numbing. Every Monday: flat, anxious, useless. From the outside it looked like fun. From the inside it was mail I didn't dare open, a room I couldn't keep clean, 15 minute tasks I procrastinated on for months, and one word on repeat in my head: lazy. The bottom photos are the part I almost didn't post. The numbing. The version of me that eventually burned out completely, sitting at his desk at 2am wondering what was wrong with him. By then I'd spent over 30K on courses and programs to fix myself. Finished none of them. Now the right side. The gym, almost daily. The water tower is my office. I rent the top floor and work there with my brother and my best friend. The purple one is the T500, an award for tech entrepreneurs here in the Netherlands. I am traveling the world. I don't show you this to brag, and before your brain says "good for him": my life is not perfect. I still have ADHD. I still lose my keys, I still overcommit, I still have days where nothing works. So what changed? Not discipline. I still have almost none. Not an app or a planner. Those all worked for about nine days. Not the diagnosis, and not the medication. That's a story for another day. What changed is who I believed I was. On Monday I'll tell you exactly what I mean, including something I found in my old school reports that I had zero memory of. And maybe your left side looks nothing like mine. No gaming, no festivals. Maybe yours is quieter: the to-do list that makes you want to cry. The anxiety before opening one email. Being exhausted at 3pm after a day of doing "nothing". Overthinking every conversation afterwards. Procrastinating on exactly the things you care about most. The fear of being judged if people saw the real state of things. Calling yourself lazy while what you actually are is overwhelmed.

I haven’t been in n the best of moods. Today, I felt overwhelmed with simple tasks. I finally got some me time. Now, it’s 3:30am, and the robbing of time tomorrow is already being felt. I brought it on myself. Felt like posting. Nothing of excitement.