Hi tribe ❤️ The 5-day challenge and conversations with Sage have given me so much clarity — and more hope than I’ve felt in a very long time. Thank you so much @Jim Ebbelaar 🙏 For years I’ve struggled with stress, severe burnout, and nervous system overload, which will probably end in disability pension or a flex job. (I honestly don’t even know whether to write “unfortunately” or “hopefully,” because peace of mind is probably my greatest need right now — and I’ve been stuck in uncertainty about my work life for years. That in itself is deeply stressful.) No matter how much I rest, it rarely feels like enough to calm the constant feeling in my nervous system that a saber-toothed tiger is right behind me — ready to leap out with demands I can no longer handle. My tolerance for stress and pressure has been steadily declining for years and now feels close to zero. For a long time I thought it was caused by my work as a social worker. But even when I earned a bachelor’s degree in History a few years ago — because I thought I “just” needed a new direction — the pattern continued. And now, after a year and a half on sick leave and being exempt from the demands of the job market, I’ve somehow managed to continue the same downward spiral in my private life as well. I now see it is because the pattern is rooted in defense mechanisms and masks that have become part of my identity — and that it is the root of almost all my struggles. The burnout, the weight issues, the lack of self-love, the difficulty creating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle … The pattern is built on beliefs like: I am only worthy if I give EVERYTHING to others. And I’m not allowed to feel happy until everyone I love is happy. (And preferably also everyone I simply like. And people I don’t even know. And all the animals too.) From that place, self-love and self-care don’t just feel selfish — they feel like a real threat to my entire existence. Because this was a survival strategy created very early in life to protect me from being abandoned or unloved.

Just finished my first section of Week 1 and discovered that my "starting strong and fading" pattern with my health isn't about discipline at all. It's a protective strategy. I can pour everything into work that matters outwardly, but caring for myself means dismantling walls I built for a reason. I've only finished the first section and I'm bawling already!! ☺️