Staying up late is a kind of self-rescue, a way to guard the only hours where the daily battle is called off. But this late-night freedom borrows against tomorrow's reserves, making the next day feel even louder and more terrifying, which drives my need to escape again. I am realizing I don't have a discipline problem—I have just been putting out fires with gasoline because it was the only thing within reach. My body actually already knows how to find true calm through focused attention, emotional release, and self-witnessing, and the key out of this loop starts with one small morning move. Can't wait to learn the move in part 3! 🤗

My air conditioning decided to get tired today. It's 87 F (30.5 C) in the house, and 113 F (45 C) outside. Makes it really hard to get tasks or much of anything done lol. I'm thinking to take a cold shower, but the water doesn't really even get that cold here in the summer. Lukewarm to lukecold is the best to ask for... 😂 The a/c company is coming tomorrow to check the unit. How does one get motivated to be productive when they're hot?! 🙃

📅 Daily Check-in - August 11, 2026 💭 Reflection: "Went to bed late and woke up early to get to the clinic for 9:00 as it’s 30+ minutes away. After the injections, ended up grocery shopping with my wife rather than have her drop me off and backtrack. I drove a cart. This one had a mind of its own. I’ll be sitting and looking at what was on my “list”. Then the cart would decide to move forward in its own. Then I’ll be driving it and then it would stop dead in its tracks. By the end, I had it mostly figured out. I found the emergency stop button. So, that was fun. As we were checking out, the vet hospital called with Lily’s necropsy report. So, we got the groceries bagged quick to get out of the store. What he was able to say was. “They don’t know why Lily’s “ liver was so inflamed. The gallbladder was inflamed and the kidneys were and started to move to the lungs. They just don’t know why. Possible autoimmune disease, but he said rare. It is plausible. So, we barely made it through that call. The only positive was that it wasn’t related anything we gave her or did. Not the flea collar or the topical medicine as those would have shown up in the tests while she was still alive. And, of course, a form of closure. There was nothing we could have done, even if we brought her in a week earlier, it wouldn’t have mattered. The damage was done and irreversible, so we made the right decision. Even though it hurts. I got home and tried to rest but was on multiple phone calls and walking around the house and then to the back bedroom for confidentiality purposes due to sensitive issues. Finally, resting and now feeling the injections. Oh well. I’m the one who didn’t follow the directions, not by choice. Well, I had a choice, but there are many things and people more important than my comfort at that moment. Enough for now. 9:00pm our time. Have to get up early tomorrow, and Thursday, I have to be at the surgical pavilion at 6:30am (30 minutes away). Of course I am required to take take a shower that morning, so trying to decide if I should go to bed early, or just stay up. Probably sleep. I feel dead now. Ok, here’s my enormous checkin. "