I am SO grateful to have attended the ZOOM just now and getting to share! NOT because it is about me but because I wanted to share hope and things I'm doing in the hopes it might help someone else! I am just SO grateful to be here! What I'm doing DIFFERENT tonight: tv will still be OFF by 9 (and I have it written in my journal and have a daily verbal reminder set on my "echo". But instead of "dropping off" after that, which led to more bedtime revenge procrastination, I'm going to use the 9 pm turn off tv as a CUE to turn ON a podcast. And listen to the podcast (WITH a timer set, etc) as I finish up "closing down" the downstairs, and go upstairs and brush and floss and moisturize. After the podcast is over, THEN I will plug in phone on nightstand and turn on a meditation. No earbuds allowed. This is what I will try tonight. Because I KNOW I want and need quality sleep. At least possibly. And I didn't realize before that although I was doing good at turning off tv at 9, it then felt like a drop off a cliff for me. And right now, I have too many things I HAVE to deal with every day "with grace" that I didn't WANT to bully myself even more by saying and NOW you get NO stimulation after 9 pm.. so I'm creating a bridge. I'm sharing all this because when you're in a world NOT built for you, you can feel like nothing is in YOUR favor. And you either rebel and hurt yourself further, or you concede. And I don't want to do either. I have been through too damn much to give up. So anyway what I want people to take from this the most is that yes, a LOT of stuff we CANNOT control. It ISN'T made for us. SOOO! Let's HONOR that, and see what we CAN customize to potentially help ourselves! Also, I genuinely LIKE brainstorming and being creative so if anyone wants help thinking of things, I'm happy to help! I just really wanted to share because the LAST thing I want people to believe is, oh she has more "fill in the blank" than I do. Therefore, I'm a lost cause. Because I will watch things and a LOT of times, people DO have partners or an animal or SOMETHING external (and they don't even recognize it because they dont' HAVE to), that keeps them on track. And I'm genuinely happy for them!!

The mirror principle just clicked for me. My messy house and my financial instability aren't two separate problems - they're the same belief that I'm "unworthy of abundance" showing up in different rooms. I've been evaluating a few different types of businesses to start while praying and waiting for God to tell me which one is "right." Turns out the paralysis itself was the answer I needed to see.