As many of you know, I live on the outskirts of New Orleans. Tropical storm Arthur made landfall here in the early morning hours. We expected a lot of rain, thunder and lightning. We got that. Also flooding. We got that too. But the scariest part were the amount of tornadoes that were inside this storm. Luckily, my family and friends are ok, even though some experienced more close calls than others. I, myself, never even lost electricity. Truly a blessing. But the damaged areas are still shocking to me. Remember to always check on your people. Tell them you love them. Hold them close. Help one another. It doesn’t cost you anything. But, it means everything.

I’ve been working out again for about 6 weeks. 6x times a week, combined with a job as climbing instructor and maintenance. I’m constantly having a battle in my mind: I’m not doing enough, I’ll do too much, I should be proud, I’m not there yet, you gonna quit anyway, whatever you do don’t quit. You eat so much, am I getting enough kcal in a day to don’t loose muscle? I wanna do more, I’m so tired . (I do not care that much about physique bot performance is the goal) And honestly that battle cost more energy than just doing the stuff I’m supposed to do. And trust me, I’m really trying to see the positive. My mind just doesn’t let me… Also I’m In doubt, should I scream to the void or not? I need to get it off my chest, but also want a solution.

Wanted to share some photos of my journey so far that I am on with the army. We've driven thousands of miles. Been through 6 states and 3 more to go. Long days and nights. Little sleep and lots of maintenance but enjoying all the views and leadership experience. Definitely been hard being way from family and doggos

I stopped doing these because I felt silly. Felt like i was just repeating myself and taking focus from others. But since stopping, I feel like I’m slowing starting to hide again and making excuses. So here we are. Breakfast- coffee Lunch- nothing Dinner @ 6pm with family at kitchen table 1 cup egg roll in a bowl Calories -310 Fat- 20 Protein- 23 Feeling- Felt forced. Didn’t feel better until I went for a walk. 11pm- hot tea I woke up this morning and weighed myself. I’ve been stuck at a weight and can’t get below it. I know by losing weight I’m “failing”. I know that once I get to my goal, it’s just going to move another 10 pounds. Tyler always ask “when is enough enough?”. And honestly I don’t know. But I know I’m not okay. After posting my vent in the void- I reread it. And decided to contact a therapist. I don’t know if I’ll acyually go, but I feel like reaching out was a big step.