I’ve been working out again for about 6 weeks. 6x times a week, combined with a job as climbing instructor and maintenance. I’m constantly having a battle in my mind: I’m not doing enough, I’ll do too much, I should be proud, I’m not there yet, you gonna quit anyway, whatever you do don’t quit. You eat so much, am I getting enough kcal in a day to don’t loose muscle? I wanna do more, I’m so tired . (I do not care that much about physique bot performance is the goal) And honestly that battle cost more energy than just doing the stuff I’m supposed to do. And trust me, I’m really trying to see the positive. My mind just doesn’t let me… Also I’m In doubt, should I scream to the void or not? I need to get it off my chest, but also want a solution.

It will be June in one week which means we are half way through the year and I was just looking back on my goals for this year and surprisingly I have been consistently completing half of them every week and of course theirs the other half that I’m still slowly working on but even though I have grown and changed so much in these past 5 months I still don’t feel fulfilled like at all and I’m not really sure what to do next?? My mental health is good , I’m journaling , going on walks , working out , going to dance , eating kinda healthy, have friends(kinda) , I’m going to church, I got a job, taking care of myself when needed and yet I still don’t feel fulfilled I have hit most of my big goals for this year and I just don’t know what to do next I’m going to continue to hit my goals every week and work on hitting the other half of them but don’t really know what path to take now ?? Do I just stay on this path till I hit all of my goals? Do I try and find a new hobby? I’m not really sure what to do from here does anyone have any suggestions, ideas or advice???

I got called for a interview I read the job description and said ok in desperation but now thinking about it I don't think that job is suitable for me in my long run so I called it off was it a stupid decision?

So I am very disappointed in myself 😞. I passed the last three quizzes/tests and now I got a 22% I failed and I'm so disappointed. I know I can do better and I know I shouldn't be beating myself up over it but idk . I am having a lot of stress and it's been very emotionally overwhelming for me . I wish I would stop being tested and graded on everything I do I feel like life is just a big test and people are there to watch you fail over and over again . I want relationships and I can't even figure out how to form words and set boundaries. And now my "stepmom" will officially be my stepmom my dad is proposing on Saturday hopefully!!!!!! Only really good part of my week . I am bummed out . I'm tired of people (my sister) bragging about how she has this amazing buddy buddy relationship with our mom and kinda throwing it in my face that I can't be loved and nutured by someone who's supposed to be there and care . I just appreciate that I have this community of people on here that care, but I also feel as if you guys are the only ones who do . Uggh sometimes I just get stuck in a mental loop and wish I could just drown everything and everyone else out .

I'm always being yelled at . I slept with a bonnet on so my hair would stay off my face and wouldn't wrap around my earrings and rip them out . My sister came home from her sleepover I let her settle down for a few hours . Like 35 minutes ago I say hey can I have a set of the spacers and ahse says not right f-ing now I'm busy with a very hard attitude. I said ok but my ear is closing like I can't put anything through and then I get yelled at to get out . And then my dad says stop arguing when he wasn't even paying attention to the conversation said I didn't start it she was being rude and then yells at me . Apparently it's always my fault and I'm the problem in my family and I'm done . They all wonder why I don't wanna be in the house and this is the exact reason why . I'm tired of being disrespected over and over again it's mentally exhausting and I'm over it . I've already dealt with everything else in my life ans adding to it is just making me feel more like I just wanna like scream at someone . Everything is always my fault or I'm the problem or I'm getting blammed left and right for this or that it's tiring and sickening.