are the stories about this place real? Seeing some stuff online or is it fake

I have 3 more days to study for my FNP board exam. I failed it last year. And it has taken me almost a year to do it again. My practice scores are below passing but consistently that way. My brain feels done, my body has been done and I push it anyway. I know I can simply retake this exam. The world does not end, but the state of anxiety and stress then stay continuous and it’s not one that is healthy for me to be in. My body can’t handle this much longer and I want to be done. I am not a quitter in anything. I feel defeated, I feel drained, I feel honestly like I’ve lost brain cells and somehow got dumber in this process. I don’t understand anything in my life right now. Or how to motivate myself to do this again, and at 44 yo my family relies on me to pass this exam so I can get a job. I want to cry, scream and curl in a ball all at once. I am so exhausted, my body never rests. I just want this to be over with. Please give me strength to fight through this.

I realized something today. I unknowingly have been closed off to opportunities. I suffered some pretty horrific traumas in my early childhood and grew up in a very toxic family. When I became an adult, I felt hopeful I would have a good life because I was now free from my family, so I thought. My family was so critical and self righteous. I never liked that. But I didn’t know how much it rubbed off on me. I also didn’t know how to see opportunities when they came up and if I did see it, I didn’t know how to navigate. My family made me feel guilty about asking for anything. They treated me like I didn’t deserve anything good in life and it was shameful of me to want or accept good things. The conditioning and traumas left me unable to make good decisions and to know how to connect with people in a way that fostered deeper relationships. I’ve always been a social person and have had “friends” but I often end up alone on holidays and weekends. It’s depressing and it’s not how I want to keep experiencing life. I realize that my early experiences left me hyper vigilant and skeptical of everything and everyone. But that actually invited in more situations to not trust people. I’ve been screwed over more times than anyone I know. So, the conundrum is that I get stuck in the trauma energy and then that creates more trauma and then that makes the energy stronger and that much more difficult to break free from. After a while, it felt like no one really cared about me and the world seems to be against me. But it’s not. It’s that trauma trying to protect me. Unfortunately, now it is harming me and has been for many years. So, I’m actively going to be more mindful of my judgements and fears and keep those in check. I also am actively looking for people I can have good deep long lasting relationships with and learning how to fosters those.

In order to discuss the Absolute, you need a pure intellect. No amount of darkness will give you light. If you can’t recognise gold, you need to inform yourself about it from an expert.
If you do not you will get cheated. Same thing to understand the absolute. You cannot speculate who He is, what His form, qualities and pastimes are.
“‘The sages who have realized the Absolute Truth are steeped in the samādhi of deep meditation. In that state, they deliberate upon the transcendental qualities of the Supreme Lord. With their own pure intellect they directly perceive the mystical and absolute spiritual potencies of the Lord that are non-different from the Lord Himself. These potencies arrange and initiate the entire spectrum of universal causes and effects, the control of the jīva souls, the natural phenomena, time, and activities.’
This gives us an important principle: spiritual truth is not created by our speculation; it is revealed to purified consciousness. The more the intellect becomes free from selfish desire, conditioning, and false identification, the more capable it becomes of receiving and recognizing spiritual reality. This is why the Vedic tradition places such importance on scripture, realized teachers, and spiritual practice. We do not have to understand everything immediately. We begin by listening, questioning sincerely, practicing, and gradually purifying our consciousness. The Absolute is unlimited, while we are limited. Therefore, humility is not weakness—it is intelligence. We recognise the limits of our present understanding while remaining open to a reality greater than what our mind can presently conceive. We cannot manufacture the Truth. We can prepare ourselves to perceive it. And when the intellect becomes purified, what once seemed impossible or contradictory can gradually reveal itself as a deeper harmony within the Supreme.