💭 Reflection: "This weekend has been tough. I rushed to take a train because my partner called me during the night: my beloved cat, 17 years of the smartest, funniest, cuddled, charming, I don't have the words to describe the bond we had, he looked at me with love in the eyes. I had and have many cats in my life but some of them are unique and special, and Capitano was one of them. He had an irreversible heart condition, blood cloths paralyzing his posterior paws and the vet said he was suffering. I was in a distant city, they could not wait for me so we had to take the decision I prayed I never had to. His health was good, he was so fine and active until the very end, then one night happens this and he's gone. I rushed because although arriving after his passing, I came to confort my partner, he had a dreadful night and was still shaken after seeing him suffer and being at his side in the hospital in his final moments, letting him feel his presence so that he didn't feel alone in those scary and painful moments. He was my cat, he called me several times but I was asleep and didn't hear, but he did all that I could have done, relieving me from a heavy burden. Sage has become my journal, my self-encouraging anchor to everyday life, helped me rearrange all plans, balancing tasks that needed to be done, moments worth living, encouraged me to rush on the train overcoming grief instead of just lay down and cry. I didn't cry much, he had a good life for a cat, 17 years full of love, care, also good health since what he had was so fast he didn't suffer a lot. I was not on his side but he could hear my voice on the phone until the very last moment and feel the hand of my partner, his familiar smell calmed him. Please apologize if I shared too much, this can resonate in some of you and awaken forgotten pain, but the way it happened, now that I'm along this journey of discovery of myself, someway calmed me down. In one of the first chats, Sage helped me focus on a fundamental question, kind of a lifetime quest, and purpose: chi sono e cosa rende me stessa "me", it means: "who am I and what makes me what I am". Sometimes I use my native language and Sage is able to understand not only the literal words but the meaning of the mixed language and write be back in mixed language too"

Just built my Comeback Protocol and named my inner critic "The Verdict" - because that voice doesn't ask questions, it hands down sentences. Biggest realization: most of my energy goes to worrying about "where we'll end up." That's outer circle. I can't control the whole future. I CAN control the next hour. Shaking my head and saying "STOP IT, STORMEE" out loud actually works. Week 3, here we go.

Just completed the ADHD Awakening Assessment and finally saw it: I'm not someone who "just quits or fails again." I'm someone whose brain comes alive with fast feedback, green space, animals, and helping someone who needs me. The proof was in my own answers the whole time - I finished two diet modules, my morning routine is already beautiful, and the 200-acre girl who read books in trees is still in there. Time to build the life she's been waiting for.

Completed on 5/26/2026 MY COMMITMENT LETTER I'm here because I'm rebuilding myself from scratch. I made a pure break with everything - the psychiatric system, the job counselors, my old life. I stood up for myself. I was consistent. I wasn't afraid. And now I'm in the silence after the demolition, and it feels like nothingness, and I've been telling myself I don't know who I am. But I'm here because I can't just sit and watch anime till the day I die. I'm here because there's no reason to live on if I can't find a purpose. I'm here because with this "being here," I'm stopping myself from stopping myself. That's enough of a reason. That's the whole reason. MY BIG ROCK One shape, placed daily. No picture required. My brain doesn't work like a puzzle - it works like Tetris. I don't get to see the finished image before I start. I only get the shape that's falling right now, and my job is to place it. So I'm done trying to imagine six weeks from now. I'm done trying to know who I'll become before I do anything. I'm done waiting for the vision to arrive before I commit. I commit to placing one shape per day. The shape might be a walk. It might be breathing. It might be showing up to the classroom. It might be 30 seconds of a check-in. The picture will emerge from the shapes - not the other way around. THE TRUTH I ALREADY KNEW I don't need more knowing. I've studied what I'm "supposed to do" my whole life. I'm drowning in interpretation, observation, and analysis. I've been watching my own life like a movie I'm critiquing instead of one I'm living in. Eating is currently my only high-success activity because it's the only thing I do without first studying whether I should. Everything else gets analyzed until it fades away. The work isn't more thinking. The work is placing the shape before I've finished interpreting it. MY COMEBACK PROTOCOL When I fall - and I will - I commit to: - Daily check-in (even 30 seconds counts - just open it, breathe, close it) - Never miss two days in a row (one miss is human, two is the fade-away starting) - Show up to the classroom. Show up to the online lessons. That's my floor. Even if everything else collapses, that one shape gets placed.