In June I decided I was going to close my business down and look for a new corporate job. This was a decision that I didn't take lightly but achieved when I asked myself what's next. It became longer and more treacherous than I had imagined. It called into question so many things and really broke me down a few times. Thanks to the process and the support of this community, I was able to connect very deeply with authentic self and remove the barriers that were keeping me from finding the right opportunity. I'm excited to announce on my 44th birthday today that I accepted a job offer. I can directly attribute this to the work that and support of this group as I turned up in my most recent interviews with focus and without fear. You are important. This work is important. Use these tools. Onward gentlemen.

Weirdly, I have this to add to anger. It just came out of me as I began to write. I'll move on to the next one afterwards. Anger - Oooooh this is a big one. Oh, where does it come from?! So explosive and so destructive. Instant changer of your child's expression and demeanor, the realisation that Daddy can be a very scary man. Having always been one so sensitive to the energies around me I would always test the room beforehand, allowing me to censor my truth, not to rock the boat. It's not about putting people before you that is the problem, it's doing so when the resonance is out of tune with your personal truth. For me I can go on for weeks, months and possibily years without speaking up and then all it takes is one little thing and all that unsaid Scheisser comes raging out of me. Mild-Mannered-Millard has turned into a monster. Lashing out at all that have wronged him or at least those who he preceived to have done so. Once it is out, there is a tiny window of relief, a feeling of some sort of victory for finally getting it off your chest before the guilt and shame hits hard, the feeling that you're not a man. A man would have more control over his emotions, he wouldn't make his partner or offspring fear him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." But you did do it, the message was valid but the package in which it came was unconcious, drowning out the point it was trying to make.

Hello brothers The festive period can be a time of stress and overwhelm for many people. Lot's going on, visits from parents and in-laws, kids at home, over indulgence etc etc. A combination of stress and triggers can force you out of your body and your inner child can take over leading to unnecessary stress and conflict. Remember that you have all the tools you need. Look after yourselves physically and emotionally. Prioritize your own state. Use the process to identify and release those emotions before they get a chance to hijack your experience. Reach out for support and use the group if you need to. Be the Lighthouse in your family this festive period.

3. Exhausted - Feelings of exhaustion were quite common for me. There is still and underlying feeling that it is not ok to just sit around. When I feel into this I remember my father calling me lazy. I think of how most mornings he was already on his way to work by the time I'd get up. I was lucky to see him in the evening before bed. My mum would always have something in the oven for him but he rarely shared a meal with us. These passed moments make it hard at times to just sit and rest. I always had to be doing something learning something whether reading or listening to podcasts. It's not that I don't enjoy it but I really have to sit and tell myself it is OK to rest. Not only OK but necessary. When I left my 9-5 as a primary school teacher to learn day trading this became even more important as I was able to work nearly 24 hours a day (Forex markets don't sleep and neither was I). This did mean I had a lot of time with my young boys. Again another area that I had to step in and slow myself down as they got used to having constant access to me I had to be the one who put up the barriers and find time and space for myself. I now priortise sleep above everything. I go to bed at the same time as my children. This means I am up hours before them allowing me time and space each morning for myself before they are up and we start homeschooling. Golf has also been a huge improvement for my well-being. I am technically doing something but have learnt to really sink into the present moment while waiting for my shot and connect with nature and the people I am playing with. I have also had to accept that I am not going to learn everything in this life time and that too is ok.

Why are you doing this work? Is it to feel better? Is it to be a better father? This work is hard, you need to remember why you are doing it so you can return to the fire on a daily basis. Below is a link where you can find the weekly warrior calls. This week Ben and Nick discussed why they decided to start this journey and what kept them going. https://www.skool.com/the-lighthouse-project/classroom/749579a5?md=982c918e7193465d80e8d90b5453e8d3