3. Exhausted - Feelings of exhaustion were quite common for me. There is still and underlying feeling that it is not ok to just sit around. When I feel into this I remember my father calling me lazy. I think of how most mornings he was already on his way to work by the time I'd get up. I was lucky to see him in the evening before bed. My mum would always have something in the oven for him but he rarely shared a meal with us. These passed moments make it hard at times to just sit and rest. I always had to be doing something learning something whether reading or listening to podcasts. It's not that I don't enjoy it but I really have to sit and tell myself it is OK to rest. Not only OK but necessary. When I left my 9-5 as a primary school teacher to learn day trading this became even more important as I was able to work nearly 24 hours a day (Forex markets don't sleep and neither was I). This did mean I had a lot of time with my young boys. Again another area that I had to step in and slow myself down as they got used to having constant access to me I had to be the one who put up the barriers and find time and space for myself. I now priortise sleep above everything. I go to bed at the same time as my children. This means I am up hours before them allowing me time and space each morning for myself before they are up and we start homeschooling. Golf has also been a huge improvement for my well-being. I am technically doing something but have learnt to really sink into the present moment while waiting for my shot and connect with nature and the people I am playing with. I have also had to accept that I am not going to learn everything in this life time and that too is ok.

Why are you doing this work? Is it to feel better? Is it to be a better father? This work is hard, you need to remember why you are doing it so you can return to the fire on a daily basis. Below is a link where you can find the weekly warrior calls. This week Ben and Nick discussed why they decided to start this journey and what kept them going. https://www.skool.com/the-lighthouse-project/classroom/749579a5?md=982c918e7193465d80e8d90b5453e8d3

I am constantly in my head. Either ruminating on something in the past (interaction with kids, argument with wife) or running through future scenarios, many of which likely won't occur (conversations about finances with my wife, various work interactions). Any advice on how to get out of my head and be more present and embodied? Andrew suggested connecting with nature. I tried that today and it helped.

Yesterday started out with a curveball, my son Luca was awake and energized for the day earlier than anticipated (5:30) just filled with energy, I hadn’t slept well at all that night. Before going into his room and picking him up out of his crib I knew I was looking at a moment that would have turned a fairly normal day, and made it worse with disconnection and frustration. The morning started with a messy kitchen, a nearly 2 year old covered in peanut butter and jam and a phone filled with pictures, all by 6:30am There was even more moments that morning that would’ve historically sent me into a fit of anger, frustration, irritability… I would have been a NIGHTMARE to be around. But I was present, I knew how I was truly feeling, I was mindful and helpful, conversational, present, and in control of my emotions.

I am going through the seeker module. Wanted to share where I am at: How I Feel Anxious Overwhelmed Angry Frustrated Irritable How I Show Up People pleasing Perfectionism High Achiever Mr Nice Guy What I Think I am not good enough I need to make others happy to be loved If I am myself I will be rejected I only get love when I succeed How My Life Looks I lack connection in my relationships I'm not sure who I am I am always worrying about what the future holds I live mostly in my head and struggle to feel my emotions