Seeker Part 3a · The Lighthouse Project

Seeker Part 3a

Weirdly, I have this to add to anger. It just came out of me as I began to write. I'll move on to the next one afterwards.

Anger - Oooooh this is a big one. Oh, where does it come from?! So explosive and so destructive. Instant changer of your child's expression and demeanor, the realisation that Daddy can be a very scary man.

Having always been one so sensitive to the energies around me I would always test the room beforehand, allowing me to censor my truth, not to rock the boat. It's not about putting people before you that is the problem, it's doing so when the resonance is out of tune with your personal truth.

For me I can go on for weeks, months and possibily years without speaking up and then all it takes is one little thing and all that unsaid Scheisser comes raging out of me. Mild-Mannered-Millard has turned into a monster. Lashing out at all that have wronged him or at least those who he preceived to have done so.

Once it is out, there is a tiny window of relief, a feeling of some sort of victory for finally getting it off your chest before the guilt and shame hits hard, the feeling that you're not a man. A man would have more control over his emotions, he wouldn't make his partner or offspring fear him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." But you did do it, the message was valid but the package in which it came was unconcious, drowning out the point it was trying to make.

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