Tryout and a reminder of inputs vs outcomes

Having a super proud moment right now and car reflection. Anybody else have car reflections?

I watched part of my daughter's gymnastics competitive team tryout today. She's been doing gymnastics for a few years and has an ear‑to‑ear smile every time we pick her up.

As one might expect, it's normal to feel a bit nervous when you're doing something for the first time. Last week she was pretty sure she did not want to try out which was a tricky parenting decision: should we honor the fact that she doesn't want to do it, even though it seems inconsistent with her day‑to‑day actions and attitudes toward gymnastics?

Or trying to decipher if as a parent, can we recognize the bigger pattern of the normal and common fear of stepping out of a comfort zone, facing the unknown of something new. A friend shared this week when i was wrestling with these ideas. It's not our job to always keep our kids comfortable it is our job to help them get comfortable with being uncomfortable and working through it. That landed for me. In the moment, those things aren't always obvious.

Interestingly, we didn't mention it much for the rest of the week after her expression of not wanting to do it. On her last regular gymnastics practice we talked to the coach to get more information and become familiar with the idea. Then she looked at brand‑new leotards; we bought her her first brand-new one for tryouts. And this morning, I asked her if she was excited or nervous or how she was feeling, and she quickly answered excited. It was just like, today you would have had no idea that she didn't want to do it a week ago. Fewf, our instinct to keep the tryouts panned out.

But now I'm going to circle back because I titled this focusing on inputs versus outcomes. The truth is, making the competitive team is pretty competitive, and I have no idea what the odds are for her. I certainly know that not everybody makes the team. I want to inspire an attitude of focusing on the inputs rather than the outcomes.

My husband and I got flowers for her today to celebrate her showing up for herself, because that's what I want her to remember. I want her to know we're proud of her for stepping outside her comfort zone, showing up for herself, and doing the best she could that day. That's all you can ever do in life. I will intentionally remember that emphasis so we don't only celebrate outcomes like making the competitive team.

At the end of the day, I don't care if she makes the team or not; I want her to choose what she wants to do if that option becomes available to her. She will continue to enjoy gymnastics, whether on her current team or the competitive team. Showing up today is winning. Stepping our of her comfort zone is winning.

This is relevant to being well: winning is showing up for yourself, doing the thing. The more we emphasize how we move our bodies, how we feel, how we nourish ourselves—the inputs—rather than a societal norm of what we should look like the better. The better we are, the fewer shame spirals we have, the more resilient we are at showing up.

I truly believe that the people who fail the most, who show up the most, are the ones that grow and succeed the most. The outcome is the byproduct, not the focus.

💜 Mel

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