So, yesterday I tried Ritalin for the first time because I was overwhelmed from my mail inboxes. For 3 weeks I avoided them all like a plague. In just 4 hours after taking it I cleaned all of them no problem at all. I even reorganized all of my 3 inboxes and it was in a sort of next level hyper-focus. I've written down what I experienced, here's what happened: 1. I was able to resist impulses much better, they still came but there was like a window where I could decide to act on it or not. Normally it feels more like a compulsion 2. My handwriting improved right away 3. Colors were a bit more intense for me 4. I was clear headed, there wasn't any background noise going on in my head. It was silent but for one stream of clear thoughts There were some negative effects as well: 1. Muscles tensed up a bit faster for me, especially for my eyes and shoulders 2. Got hungry faster & needed more bathroom trips 3. After the meds were off I was feeling chaotic But I got to tell ya, if I could operate from that place every day. Life would be a walk in the park... Because of this experience I will now get my official diagnosis, I already started the process but I ADHD'ed around it. I also had a long conversation with a friend of mine who also has ADHD and he's on medication as well & he says the same. A different world. So I'm going on a new adventure to go into the care system and see what happens! I'll be sharing my progress with you guys. P.S. Anyone know that movie Limitless? That's what it felt like.

Today is a very special day for me. It’s been seven months exactly since my life changed forever; for the best, that I’m convinced of. I struggled all day today to decide whether or not I was going to share that part of my life. But I feel like it’s my moral duty to do so. I wanted to create something beautiful using AI, but maybe the cold hard truth is better suited for this occasion. Here are the facts: I am neurodivergent, more specifically, I am an AuDHD woman. I grew up always knowing that something was different about me, but I was never able to articulate it coherently. I am very gifted in many areas, and I could have become a great doctor, artist, analyst or linguist. Unfortunately, because we live in a world that doesn’t understand how neurodivergent brains work, we are often misdiagnosed with various “mental health disorders “, ranging from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, all the way to psychosis and schizophrenia. And those are just the nicest politically correct terms. However, the real insanity is that because of this lack of understanding, we are constantly experimented on with inappropriate psychiatric treatments. Additionally, we are very prone addiction and sadly death, either by overdose or suicide. How many of us are there really? Artists, whether famous or not, close friends of mine, long lost acquaintances and even relatives of mine. Long story short, the two attached pictures are of me. The first one is roughly two months before I stopped trying to eradicate my true self with every substance known to men, whether prescribed or not. The second one is roughly seven months after discontinuing all said substances. 071225, a cornerstone date. No more, numbing, no more masking. I went off hard opiates, muscle relaxants, benzodiazepines, anticonvulsants, antipsychotics, antidepressants, migraine medicine, hypnotics, mood stabilizers and some alcohol here and there; all at one time. I will admit to still utilizing some caffeine and nicotine at times, but I am actively working on reducing both. I don’t know how or why I am still alive; many medical professionals have made this statement over the years, for opposing reasons. Because both being on these substances and coming off of them at the same time is life threatening. Today I feel good; I am not depressed at all, I’m 100% healthier and fitter than I was 9 months ago, and I want to live. I want to create and I want to help humanity in general. Yes, I have challenges that are directly related to my autism and my ADHD. It will take a very long time for my brain to heal from 30 years of chemical abuse and psychological trauma. But I’m determined to prove to myself and others that Neurodivergence is not a handicap. It’s a strength if you understand it and choose to utilize it for good versus evil. In the end, if the only thing I am remembered for is gifting my extensive knowledge of fitness, nutrition and neuroscience to better the life of countless individuals, then it has to be my purpose. More than that it’s my responsibility…