THANK YOU! · ADHD Harmony™

Cathy K

9h • 🏆 Wins

THANK YOU!

@Jim Ebbelaar

, if you only knew.

But all I can say is thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You are (deep breath😅) helping me FREE the 8 year old (and younger) Cathy who hid in basement to stay alive.

Who was told "I wish you'd never been born"

Who was told over and over to smile during the abuse.

Who was sent to her room when she was "too much". Aka, trying to connect.

My body exploded end of last year.. I was already struggling just to keep afloat but was...

And I almost died. Yes I was in MASSIVE, UNDENIABLE physical pain. But guess what? It was almost Christmas. So it wasn't "about me".

And I almost didn't go to the hospital. Even though I was CLEARLY in pain..like groaning from it etc.

My appendix had burst. And spread to intestines

I didn't know. I was SO USED to shoving myself down and away that I blamed it on cramps..even though I couldn't keep anything down or stand up straight.

And even with THAT, I almost let the trauma kill me. I literally heard my "family" saying "oh get over yourself. You're just wasting everyone's time"

LUCKILY, someone ended up coming over and they straight up said Cathy this isn't right. You NEED to get checked out..

I am not used to that. I've literally only ever had the OPPOSITE from my "family".

And long story short I did end up going to ER.. thought it was kidney stones.. and was told I need emergency surgery and I almost died.

And even AFTER the surgery it was awful because my blood pressure was so low they couldn't really give me pain meds.

So there I was.. by myself on Christmas, literally fighting for my life. And STILL getting texts asking where my daughter's presents are etc. As if THAT was the priority..

And the fact is, I spent Christmas by myself. I had a moment of truth where I literally HAD to let IT ALL GO..or I wasn't going to make it.

And after I did that, I felt this IMMENSE peace. I realized no attachments matter, because the REALITY was, I could die right now and I'd be by myself. I had worked SO HARD to have plans for Christmas with another family so I could actually have a family Christmas etc.

And it didn't matter in that moment.

And honestly, for a couple weeks after the surgery I still felt like that. In a weird way, I felt free. I felt happy. I felt like an alien in the best possible way.

But the REALITY is, my daughter got dropped back off.. and even though I was NOT healed... it was as if I had to go "back to normal" (which was crushing me as it was).

On top of it, the time this happened was supposed to be my Christmas break to do something fun for MYSELF finally etc. And that was ripped from me.

But allllll this to say, I don't have everything figured out by a long shot...

But this report gave me that same feeling of hope that I had in the hospital (AFTER I let everything go).

This report reminded me who I AM.

I've just been in the wrong container.

And talking to people on here, I feel much more like the 8 year old girl. People talking about things that EXCITE them, people giving each other REAL support and love, people sharing so vulnerably 🥰🥰

I am HONORED to be a part of this.

We are super souls! That came to me as I was answering the report questions out loud. But we really are!

This world was NOT made for us. Do you know how many times I literally said I feel like I'm not made for this world??

But it is TRUE. BUT! it doesn't have to destroy us anymore!!

We can BE the support for each other that we never received.

And for ME? That is absolutely priceless.

We fight against the odds to have a FULL feeling life! Our brains truly are magnificent!

Do you know how many times i laughed today merely from funny thoughts/images popping into my head?? I don't want to lose that!

Anyway, I just spoke from my heart, but I'm so grateful.

Love you guys!! Hope you have a great night!

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