The belief you're carrying sounds like this: "If your own family didn't even accept you when you were at your best, you can't possibly, actually, truly, consciously screw up." Read that again. That's not a belief about failure. That's a survival contract you signed as a kid - one that says your worth is conditional, your mistakes are unforgivable, and the only way to stay safe is to be perfect while drowning. That voice telling you to "grow up, get over yourself" - those aren't your words. You're transcribing other people's voices and mistaking them for truth.