I'm going to post this... · ADHD Harmony™

I'm going to post this...

Even though part of me feels VERY scared. But in reality I did nothing wrong. I FELT angry, but I didn't DO anything wrong.

But I ultimately realized this might help someone if they're wondering an example of emotional dysregulation 😅

So! I attended day 5 on here.🥳 After doing my morning routine etc. Was having a GREAT day connecting with people on the call etc. Like truly.

Then I went to lay down because I WAS tired. Well, daughter came home from school (which I knew of course). But comes in my room and interrupts my nap (that part alone isn't end of world..but probably didn't help 😅).

So anyway we talk for a bit and I actually say hey let's have some of this (specific chocolate I wanted). And it turns out she ate ALL of it. Even though it isn't hers.

Then, she shows me something and I'm like where did you get that? And she's like I traded (something I got for US)..

And this is a reoccurring theme with her. On SOME level, she feels entitled to MY stuff.

And as someone with cptsd adhd and narcisstic abuse from her dad, but also just as a HUMAN BEING, I find it disrespectful and honestly shocking that she thinks she can take MY stuff. It makes me feel like I HAVE to be hypervigilant alllll the time. It also cuts into feelings of respect and integrity.

So my point is, I went from feeling tired but proud I was taking care of myself with the nap and also reminiscing about how GOOD I felt today on the call, to all of that feeling like it was RIPPED from me.

And that makes me feel angry. But the bottom line is, it is a learning lesson. I straight up told her I should not have to be on guard ALL of the time because you decide you are in charge.

This entitlement does NOT come from me. It comes from other stuff but mostly her dad. Because he undermines everything I do.

So anyway, I think this is a good learning lesson. Because I don't want her thinking this is how you treat friends..that you just take their stuff.

What *I* will do differently next time is PROTECT my peace and put a sign on my door that says "taking a nap. Will be available at X time"

Because a huge part of this is me feeling attacked (not attacked literally in this case, but definitely being THROWN off guard while in a vulnerable state).

And frankly I don't want to do that to MYSELF anymore.

This absolutely drives further in the limiting belief that I CAN'T have a life for myself because daughter can't be trusted with basic things. But you know what? I'm not subscribing to that.

Because it isn't true.

Anyway, love you guys. I'm disappointed in her choices but also proud of myself for calling her on them without yelling or name calling obviously. I never do that but I need to be firm at times to actually TEACH her this isn't ok behavior.

I posted I think during the day 5 zoom that EVERY TIME I've actually decided to do something for MYSELF, it has been sabotaged by others (narcissists for the most part- my dad and brother and husband).

But I am NOT having my daughter sabotage my NEED for self care.

So that's why I'm posting. Because i DO feel tense after that encounter. I DO feel like my trust was disrespected. But I'm NOT going to let it ruin MY day!

Love you guys! I'm going to take that nap now with a podcast in my ear and take care of ME 🥰

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