Hello, I was encouraged to write something to the Community section. I'm new and quite nervous to post things so publicly. We live in a small, rural town where gossip can do wonders (in that people care) as well as damage. I don't ever want to say something that makes it harder for our 3 angry children to heal and be open to talking with us again. I also never spend this kind of money on myself and we aren't rich people. We had 8 children. Our 22 year old died of cancer June 4, 2025, one day after our grandson's first birthday and 2 days before my birthday. Meagan was a uniquely positive person that focused on helping others as a 911 dispatcher and friend to so many. She was huge in our community. But her attitude made it easier to accept how God might be working through even this. One of our adult children got mad at us at the funeral and 2 brothers decided to join her in not speaking to us and assuming the worst about us. How can we know what is the problem or explain our perspectives if we can't talk? There is one child in the home and the other 3 adult children all have come to talk with us and understand things, but our angry daughter's home is where "whatever" can happen, so they go there instead of to us. The oldest prefers to stay out of all of it. Our family is so fractured right now, but honestly, we were starting to have some communication issues as they graduated every 2 years (I've been hard of hearing but now have cochlear implants so now can use the phone but struggle to know what to say if I call). I have struggled to accept their choices (living together, drinking, etc), and make small talk and I think that's something I have to work on from MY perspective, not to fix them. Our church, which we've been so committed to for so many years became horrendous when a new pastor determined to clean up membership roles just as our adult children were dealing with their sister dying. My husband as an elder fought against removing the 3 (now mad) children from the roles since they weren't attending there anymore, but IDK if they know that. We told the one who had a child, but the other 2 won't even talk.

In the P.A.R.E.N.T. Method, there is a broad range of material you will have the opportunity to absorb. You will learn many new skills that could greatly help you in your relationships, especially with your adult kids.The heart behind this process was to help you gain confidence, improve your communication skills, and deepen your emotional acuity. As I was reflecting on where many parents are in the process, let me encourage you to practice these new skills with others that you see more frequently. Whether it is your spouse, your best friend, or your neighbor, it doesn't matter. The more you use the skills in a relationship that is not a source of anxiety, the better you will implement what you have learned with your kids. Nothing replaces practicing the new insights and skills you are learning. Lastly, do not try and tackle everything at once. Select one skill and prioritize it for the week. It will help you refrain from being overwhelmed. Be kind to yourself and if you hear a voice of judgment in your head, shut it down because it is not telling you the truth. Every parent deserves the opportunity to grow and change without self-criticism. You've got this!

Parents often struggle when their children make values choices that do not align with how they were raised. Then what follows is an internal struggle that becomes an external problem because they do not know how to love their children without them agreeing with them. Parents do not compromise their values when they love their kids who have ventured off into another perspective. This recording addresses the issues that accompany the internal conflicts and helps parents see why love matters.

SO FRUSTRATED right now. To make it short a couple of years ago we gave our son and his wife new flooring for their manufactured home. It was almost $3000, but I bargain shopped and we installed it ourselves. Being it's a manufactured home and they don't have good insulation, the floor moved and they didn't want to pull it up to fix it. NOW between their cats and the brutal winter .... floor is worse and they have a 5 month old (soon to be crawling). They started while she was pregnant about how the floor is unsafe for the baby. Never actually asking for me to give them a new floor, but that's all that comes up whenever we are together .... insinuating all the time that the floors we bought we are piece of sh*t, they were not and the kids didn't even reach out to see about the warranty. She is not working, he works seasonal and they don't save any money for a rainy day. I have it to give and always have generously "RESCUING" them financially, but now they demand it .... basically why do they have to wait until I die to get it when they need it now. These were my son's words as he was walking out the door. Baby was in the car seat when the subject of floors came up again and my response was how are the floors my problem. Several weeks went by and I stayed silent (before signing up for this course). They came over for dinner and again the subject came up and we agreed to pay for the floors. This because I upgraded my camper and the other son wants the old one. They too have frequently been "loaned" money from us, which they don't repay and we will "gift" it to them .... fair is fair ... I'm ALWAYS trying to treat them the same. Financially I have done LOTS for all three of my sons .... realizing how this went wrong now. They only got one quote for the floors ... I know if I make them get another one and we go with the cheaper option It will come back to bite me. They texted me about what did I decide a few days ago and I didn't answer. I hate that I only hear from them when they want something!!!! Texted me again today what was my decision since I ignored their last request as to them needing a down payment. My response today was "Trying to figure out how to pay for it. We had some extra expenses recently and it's a little more than we were expecting". I responded to my daughter in law who texted me. Minutes later my son messages me: "If it comes down to it, give me all my silver from Grandma and Pa. I'll sell it all and use that for my floor. They are my coins and the floor needs to be safe for Charlie".

I know some of us are past the communication phase . My child has been no contact for 3 yrs pretty much. Any interaction is one sided ( hers) and they usually are angry. I didn’t have a last conversation , just what seemed like a quick get away with no chance for a discussion. She met a guy who decided that he was in control . I had not met him but a handful of times before I was told that I could only communicate with my daughter if he was included in our text. They eloped, they decided together that when the 10yr was in trouble for anything that her punishment would be not to see us that wk. She would beg and cry come after school and stay the night on Friday nights. My daughter thought it might work . My husband and I were devastated. She had spent every Friday night for 3 yrs with us. And the child was devastated. My daughter would no longer look me in the eye. This was a pattern she had with men in her life this was the 3rd in the past 13 yrs. They now have two little children . And I have only been allowed to see the oldest if I went to her ballgames and she wasn’t allowed to speak to us. But we kept showing up. I had a counselor at the time who was concerned for my granddaughter and said as long as they don’t tell me not to at least my granddaughter wouldn’t feel like I had abandoned her. Suddenly about a month ago a crazy text telling me her parents were going to let me come get her and keep her for the evening and meet my daughter to give her back. We had an extreme line of rules we had to follow which was sent in a text from her mom stating that “it doesn’t change the relationship she has with me or the younger children but it’s important to Charlie” my granddaughter. This child is now 13yr she said to me “we can’t break any rules, I said we won’t . She said because I missed you to much “ I’m broken over that. But we had a great time. She ask to come back mom said “too soon”. So we wait until someone gives a go ahead. I’m to afraid to get my hopes up . I got off topic sorry, I don’t have a clue how to get back to any conversation until and if this guy is gone. After listening to things I feel like I did way more things wrong than I thought. I didn’t have a clue how to navigate any of this.