Nothing I do is good enough · Parenting Adult Children Today

Nothing I do is good enough

SO FRUSTRATED right now. To make it short a couple of years ago we gave our son and his wife new flooring for their manufactured home. It was almost $3000, but I bargain shopped and we installed it ourselves. Being it's a manufactured home and they don't have good insulation, the floor moved and they didn't want to pull it up to fix it. NOW between their cats and the brutal winter .... floor is worse and they have a 5 month old (soon to be crawling). They started while she was pregnant about how the floor is unsafe for the baby. Never actually asking for me to give them a new floor, but that's all that comes up whenever we are together .... insinuating all the time that the floors we bought we are piece of sh*t, they were not and the kids didn't even reach out to see about the warranty. She is not working, he works seasonal and they don't save any money for a rainy day. I have it to give and always have generously "RESCUING" them financially, but now they demand it .... basically why do they have to wait until I die to get it when they need it now. These were my son's words as he was walking out the door. Baby was in the car seat when the subject of floors came up again and my response was how are the floors my problem.

Several weeks went by and I stayed silent (before signing up for this course). They came over for dinner and again the subject came up and we agreed to pay for the floors. This because I upgraded my camper and the other son wants the old one. They too have frequently been "loaned" money from us, which they don't repay and we will "gift" it to them .... fair is fair ... I'm ALWAYS trying to treat them the same. Financially I have done LOTS for all three of my sons .... realizing how this went wrong now.

They only got one quote for the floors ... I know if I make them get another one and we go with the cheaper option It will come back to bite me. They texted me about what did I decide a few days ago and I didn't answer. I hate that I only hear from them when they want something!!!! Texted me again today what was my decision since I ignored their last request as to them needing a down payment. My response today was "Trying to figure out how to pay for it. We had some extra expenses recently and it's a little more than we were expecting". I responded to my daughter in law who texted me. Minutes later my son messages me: "If it comes down to it, give me all my silver from Grandma and Pa. I'll sell it all and use that for my floor. They are my coins and the floor needs to be safe for Charlie".

I am pausing here. I can give him his coins to do with what he wants, but if I don't "buy" these floors the chasm is going to get bigger. They use my grandchild as a pawn. I feel like I am being held hostage. I thought my response to her was fair and his is an over reaction. Anyone?

I guess this was the reason I signed up for this course. One thing I struggle with over these few weeks since joining is: I know I need to give up what I expect of them, but how do I deal with their unfair expectations of me (us).

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