To be honest, life is a lot better and worth living when I have everything under control. But this vice that has beleaguered me for over 10 years is not something that seems to want to be contained anytime soon, and to make matters worse, it looks like it’s commandeering the already-sinking ship that I’m in (For those of you who are reading this and have been long-time subscribers to Shimon Davis’s YouTube channel, you probably know what I’m referring to). God is my witness as He is my anchor. I fail Him each day as I did from when I entered this planet. To fix myself from the inside out will take a lot of coming to terms with things about me that make me ugly. They are my addiction, my insecurities, my transgressions, my past mistakes, my worries and fears, my physical appearance, my dwindling intellect, my unemployment, my bleak future, and my pathetic excuses for not being what I’m supposed to be. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. I need a sign. I need a miracle. I need something. I need to know that this isn’t as good as it gets. I need something to prove to me that I’m not a mistake. As everything is moving at a snail’s pace, I can’t help thinking about the gravity of the situation that I’m in. It just doesn’t seem to matter to anyone whether I’m succeeding or failing in life; they’re just happy to have a useful idiot like me as a side character in their life stories. But you know what? It’s okay. I may not have what it takes to do remarkable things in life. For all I know, I might be destined to die alone. But until that happens, I’m going to spend the rest of my sorry existence, doing one thing that nobody can teach, and that’s to show kindness and respect to people, even when they don’t deserve it. That way, when I die, I may stake some sort of claim to eternal peace. Thank you so much for reading. You’re all truly wonderful people. May God bless each and every single one of my brothers and sisters here.

Hey everybody:), how are you guys? I do have a question but I’d also like to know how everyone is and if yall just wanna chat with me about it in the comments. My question is do you guys think dreams can become real or is it a waste of time? I wanted to ask you guys this because I wanna see if other people still “believe” like in dreams and hope and stuff like that. To be completely honest, I ask because I’m not in a good place (I’ll try not to trigger anyone but I have been getting bad thoughts and I think I’m depressed but idk fs😂tbh), and jus to be clear im not looking for any pity or anything cus ik we all struggle and ik im not alone (even when is hard to believe at times). Idk guys is jus tbh I jus lost hope In everything rn and I spiraled and I jus feel very stuck in my life rn and look I still have goals but😂idk if I should still try to go after them because like for this whole month I’ve felt like a huge weight of doubt (like physically I feel heavy on my chest and mentally) as well spiritually, I lost touch with God a lot and I feel bad but at the same time idk if he’s the one that jus doesn’t want me to succeed, I tried to do stuff about it but most of the time something goes wrong (either out of my control or cus of me) 😂Yea well I’m in a very tough spot and almost everyday I contemplate even living anymore but yk I’m still here to write this cus God keeps waking me up for some reason I’m not sure why… Anyways, If anybody read til the end I really appreciate it and sorry for rambling I jus kinda wanted to be honest and raw (to you guys & myself) and admit that there’s something wrong and be real for a moment. To conclude, I jus wanna remind you guys that I’m not asking for pity or attention or whatever😂I jus wanted to write all this cus I jus wanted some weight off my chest and also because I wanna talk to some quality people about this topic to see if dreams can still be possible despite the hardest of circumstances and I’m curious to know how yall are and what you think about this, either way i hope whoever read to the end has a good day/night and jus whenever you have free time, we can hang on the comments, seeyou guys:).

I might want to sell my art but I’m not sure (like paintings, custom hats or shoes, crafts or even graphic design materials etc.) I wanna know if you’d guys like to see my art to see if is worth selling or not and maybe if I should go after this idea & jus to tell me what you think, if you guys are able, I’d really appreciate it:).

So me and this girl were friends for like maybe 5 months , and I was okay with her behavior and everything nothing too aggressive even though one time she judged my beliefs but I've let that slide . Then until last week , I was sitting with her in the school yard I'd say , and a classmate of ours was with us we were talking , and the girl completely changed a behavior in front of him which I've noticed before but I never knew it was the pick me behavior . I thought she was like that . Anyways , she was wearing a jacket , she took it off then she wore it again and she stood up then she sit right again . She literally disturbed me but I didn't say anything cuz it didn't trigger me that much , then in a moment she made really uncomfortable when I said hold on I wanna find an empty classroom so I can record some covers for Instagram , I went to search and she turned around telling him oh look she has the walk of Michael Jackson , she's literally jealous of my model-like walk I suppose . Then I returned and I said , there's no empty classrooms , she said oh here's the restroom go and record there .... That was nasty , but yeah . Then I said no I won't and the guy said you want spirits to possess her or what ? I said I don't believe in spirits she said oh I can smell a Jewish person here .... How can you say that ?? And she followed by : oh don't tell me that I'm dealing with atheists right now , wait do you believe in God ? I said yes for the sake of ending her conversation because she's way too religious and that's not my thing . She labeled me atheist just because I said I don't believe in spirits not God lol. Afterwards , she started to give me weird stares , then she was speaking in English and she messed up a sentence so I hurried up to correct her which I normally do and she doesn't take it to heart , she literally said oh stfu stared at me and continued what she was saying to that guy . I literally didn't talk much to her that afternoon and then I messaged her on telegram saying girl you violated a boundary of mine saying that she said I was joking can't you get it !!? I can't believe that you thought of me like that .

On my way to start the year 2026 sober ! From an addiction of mine that started when I was 16 .