How my reaction changed to taking a moment, slowing down and thinking before reacting was in a conversation with someone that was a friend. Needed to get something back from him and he didn’t want to meet and see me in person after a comment I made that he took with a different meaning then what I meant it as. He didn’t want to explain his said of how he took it when I asked so I could understand. Now I understand that he has the right to take it that way. After he refused to meeting up and giving me back the item I slowed down the thought in my head and replied back with a thought through message asking him to get the item to a mutual friend to get to me. Then politely wished him nothing but the best in live with true meaning inside myself rather than before it would have been out of frustration and a sarcastic sentence since he decided the friendship was over.

This is a real struggle for me, I've been working on it a lot. Since setting a boundary with some more parts I am really focusing to practice slowing down my interactions with my partner. Over the weekend I want to challenge myself to stick to this, to really pause and slow down the movement and speech with my partner, not in any heated topics or anything like that just practice being steady. Intentional cold showers have helped, my nervous system is slowly watching be intentional with every breath in that scenario, but I want to go further this weekend. What I need from you guys... It would help if someone could check in with me on Friday as a reminder to do it and then possibly again on Saturday to see if I have lived up to it.

Looking back at where I was to where I’ve come to this point while there’s still a feeling of not being perfect I definitely feel a lot further along than when I started this journey. Oh so long ago. I’ve been down on myself a little bit for not just having it all figured out, but as I sit and reflect and look in the mirror, I’m seeing that I have definitely come more into myself and while I’ve still been looking for a little bit of validation from others, I am starting to feel that confidence build to let myself just be where I am

There’s a line from Harry Potter where Dumbeldore says; Help will always be given.. to those who ask for it. This container works the same way. If you’re here but not making the progress you came for… If you feel stuck, frustrated, or quietly falling behind… If you know something isn’t landing, but you haven’t said it out loud… You don’t need to disappear (recognise this as your past way of handling stress, overwhelm, uncertainty etc - thats also the part where here to evolve) You don’t need to pretend you’ve got it handled. You can reach out to me. You can reach out in the group. You can ask for support, clarity, or feedback. That’s what this container exists for. What I won’t do is chase, rescue, or drag anyone forward. Not because I don’t care, but because that doesn’t build strong men & in the long term does not serve you. I’m here to work with men who choose to step forward. If you do, I’ll meet you there, with honesty, presence, and leadership. The door is open. All that’s required is that you knock.

A fear of rejection is the first thing that comes up for me when I get in a stressful situation. A fear of being me is the person that no one will want to see or respect.