I'm struggling with the part of me that needs approval. This part tells me I'm not growing when I don't keep my value systems in place. If I'm honest I'm struggling to define I'm value systems outside of work and inside of work. I feel like this change has took a lot from me and this part questions whether is all worth it. I recognise that the boy is just taking over because that's all he has learned and why would he trust me to lead in those scenarios. When I spoke to him I showed him how far we have come but he still doesn't trust me yet there are part of me that doesn't want to give up on my relationship but doesn't want to return until I'm ready. I'm trying to stay grounded through thick and thin because I know that's where the growth is but this journey is fucking hard sometimes. I'd like the Men in the group to help keep me accountable to my routine. I have everything I need to stay grounded all the time. I just need to do it. I would appreciate a few check-ins is anyone is available just to make sure even when I'm tired, or hurt or lonely now that I choose my direction first nothing else.

So I am in a situation and not sure what to do. My son's birthday is next week and we plan on celebrating it with family and friends. My family is always a hit or miss at showing up and right now financially and emotionally (in terms of stress in planning a birthday) it might be easier if they didn't come and we went to my moms house to celebrate over there seperately with them, but I already invited them. To make matters worse I called one of my nieces to ask if they were coming and pretty much told her (in a joking/serious manner) that I was trying to get them to opt out of coming so that it wouldnt be as expensive and she proceeded to tell my other family since they are currently cutting my nephew a cake for his birthday today (to be clear my nephews and nieces are adults). I felt so stupid and embarassed and now I am not sure what to do, if I should talk to them and explain and almost recind the invitation and deal with whatever feelings they may have after or show face and tell them to come anyway. Either way not feeling great

Lately I have been feeling self-conscious. I went away on vacation during my sons Spring Break. I gained about 15 pounds since last summer and I am trying to get back into the groove of things on my fitness. All this to say I weighed myself Sunday and I was 4 pounds heavier (seemed to be water weight as I am back down now). This has led me to feel very low about myself and on top of that I have been getting more agitated with my wife. To make matters even worse I finally went to do my taxes and told my wife we might owe money, but I wasnt sure how much. I shared this while she is in the middle of planning my sons birthday party next week. Long story short I have been feeling pretty alone in my marriage. I told my wife yesterday afternoon (prior to the call) that I felt like I had to carry the weight by myself and as if we were not a team and I really felt like I had nothing left in my tank to give. She stopped and said she never wanted me to feel like we werent on the same team and she took initiative and held space for me. I didn't feel like I deserved it because a part of me that tells me I am irresponsible kept coming up, but her being there and holding space for me really brought me back into the moment and helped me re-center myself. I cried because she let me know it was ok to feel what I was feeling. She was not judging me she just wanted me to let her into that space and when I did I felt so much relief.

- Unshakeable code  - The Grounded Man Blueprint - Integrity in Action This is something I've struggled with so much. I have put work first basically in every part of my life before personal care, social maintenance, financial stability. This made me recognise that the values I actually had were very flexible considering the grounded man I am trying to become. This holiday weekend I have attempted to reset my financial system (unfortunately I can't set in motion until the next pay-check but step one has been made). I chose social maintance over studying for and I felt grounded in that decision. There have even been moments I experienced with my ex-partner where I recognised value systems. With my ex-parter I allowed a boundary to be crossed, nothing massive just having more to drink than I intended for the sake of her approval when my intention was to return to studying the next day. I'm not regretful or ashamed of that decision though because It gave me the opportunity to have a conversation with her that I have been avoiding for a full year. I owned my part in the issue and validated her feelings. There was more I intended on saying but once the framework was done I realised the rest was just me looking for approval so I stopped. She expressed how much that meant to her and moved onto another topic. Unfortunately my nervous system was not ready for that and I didn't validate her experience at all, I did the exact opposite. So now I have another conversation I intend to revisit but I do not regret my initial response either because it felt like another learning opportunity. I had built this one big conversation up so much that I was not prepared for another one. In the future I intend to continually remain grounded. This time I allowed the boy to take over because I decided the "task was finished", but I recognise now that my reward was getting to have the conversation in the first place, for being so grounded leading up to it and throughout. /// - I'd also like to add that this past week I have avoided so much less and I feel so much better for it

Coming here to post about a repair discussion that I’ve been trying to have with my wife. The first 2 days she was clocked out and told me she dint have the capacity for it. Last night we were figuring out dinner she saw something that upset her and didn’t want to talk the rest of the night. The same thing is currently happening tonight and I said I would post this on Friday and I never got to it but I wanted to stick to my word on posting about this discussion. Trying to remain grounded in my relationship this weekend has been difficult but I know the only way to keep moving forward is to remain grounded continue to talk to these parts and continue to show actions of becoming the man I know I will be.