Alison The Friendly Ghost👻 · ADHD Focus Founders

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Alison The Friendly Ghost👻

Lately it seems I have been wandering through the halls and walls, calling out here and there. Responding in small ways but not truly alive and present like I used to be.

My brain has been foggy, my body aches, my spirit is heavy and I took that all on top of some heavy PTSD triggers that come up this time of year, home stress, and a mistake I made and then internalized them all as failure.

As character flaws

as worthlessness

As an inability to be trusted to help others because "how can you stand here promising to help others if you can't even help yourself?!"

This is in part due to hormonal changes but it's also heavily due to my ptsd and allowing old voices of other people's ghosts to write a narrative that I adhered to as doctrine....

Why? Because sometimes it seems easier to tuck tail and run away from painful insights rather than do the work to uncover every layer and care for them each so you can heal properly.

So I pulled away, I became a Ghost, so to speak.

I though I was doing well....i was connecting to my ancestors, starting to work through these layers and then my world came crumbling down around me last night....

I had no choice but to visit every single layer I had been unintentionally and intentionally avoiding looking at...not just the ones I felt ready to face....

But that also is where I realized something in my worth...where a little light is waking back up....

I reached out to

@Bill Widmer

@Rex Loyer

@Sebastian Schroeder

ready to give up everything I built and worked for this year and in the time that I have known them.....

They reminded me that I am human, that these patterns and emotions are human and normal.

Then

@Amber Kay

DMd me and also spoke some word in the Accelerator program to Bill that really turned that light back on....

I may still be raw and scared...but their words and insights made me realize that having an authority OUTSIDE OF OUR OWN BODY is exactly the care a lot of us need.

Its harder to regulate ourselves because the past, the trauma, our own little narratives scream so much louder than reality does....but when you have these external eyes...these eyes that can see exactly what you offer others...exactly how you show up and do provide value....it crushes those stupid fucking narratives and allows you to tell harmful spectors to GO TO HELL, I AM STILL A BADASS!

If any of our other healers have faced the fear of inadequacy or helped others even when they themselves were struggling, I just want to raise a glass to you.

You are a badass as well! And I see you!!!

My thoughts here are with:

@Pamela Igwe

@Lydia Wilmsen

@Vanessa Hair

Also sorry for the lack of my normal emoji use to brighten things up...just didn't feel appropriate at the moment.

Love you all! Stay amazing! And remember, when things are heavy: you are human, this is normal, and it will pass.

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