Saturday Call Summary · The De-Escalation Academy

Saturday Call Summary

Holiday Family Discussion Management

Doug discussed strategies for managing family gatherings during the holiday season, particularly focusing on how to handle potentially tense or political discussions. He emphasized the importance of being mindful of one's own behavior and considered when to intervene in arguments between family members. The group explored ways to de-escalate conflicts, such as using empathetic statements to acknowledge the other person's feelings and perspective.

Vagal Techniques for Emotional Regulation

Doug discussed techniques for managing intense emotions and conflicts, emphasizing the importance of using fewer words, speaking in a lower register, and slowing down to activate the myelinated vagal system, which promotes social engagement. He explained that speaking from the chest or belly rather than the throat can help calm both the speaker and the listener. Rina and Pegotty contributed by sharing personal experiences and observations, while Michael and Doug agreed on the effectiveness of these techniques in reducing perceived threats and fostering more positive interactions.

Voice Modulation for Calm Communication

The group practiced modulating their voices to create calming effects during family gatherings, with Doug explaining that 92% of communication is non-verbal and demonstrating how dropping one's voice and relaxing can reduce anxiety and influence others. Participants, including Pegotty, Rina, and Zahra, experienced firsthand the difference between speaking in a higher, intense register versus a lower, more relaxed tone, with Rina specifically noting how her voice affected her brother during a discussion about their mother's safety. The session concluded with an introduction of a new participant, Arief, who had recently received Doug's book.

Voice Modulation for Conflict Resolution

The group discussed techniques for managing emotions and de-escalating situations through voice modulation. Doug guided participants through exercises to experience the effects of speaking in different tones, explaining how raising and lowering one's voice can influence emotions and interactions. They explored how matching or dropping below an intense tone can help de-escalate conflicts, with Doug emphasizing the importance of matching intensity only when necessary and using a calm tone to prevent emotional contagion. The discussion highlighted the role of tone in nonverbal communication and its impact on perceived threat, with participants practicing these techniques and observing their effects.

Leadership and Emotional Safety

Doug discussed the importance of maintaining calm and presence in leadership roles, explaining how emotional contagion can influence group dynamics. He referenced studies by Amy Edmondson at Harvard and Project Aristotle at Google, highlighting the concept of psychological safety in creating effective teams. The group discussed how creating safe and trustworthy environments is crucial for leaders, mediators, and divorce coaches alike.

Building Trust and Positive Emotions

Doug and Pegotty discussed a past workplace experience where a boss undermined trust by making negative comments about an employee's contribution, highlighting the importance of building and maintaining trust. They explored how creating psychological safety and using positive emotions can foster a sense of security and well-being, especially during the holiday season. Doug encouraged practicing positive affect labeling and suggested exercises like acknowledging others' positive emotions to enhance interpersonal connections.

De-escalation Techniques and Journal Rejection

The group discussed Doug's recent article rejection from a journal, which he attributed to reviewers not understanding his scientific arguments about U-statements versus I-statements in de-escalation. They explored how critical behavior often stems from underlying feelings of unworthiness and anxiety, with Doug sharing techniques for labeling and validating these emotions to de-escalate situations. The session concluded with an invitation for participants to practice these de-escalation techniques during the upcoming holiday week, with a follow-up discussion planned for the following Saturday.

Link to the recording good for 60 days: https://us06web.zoom.us/rec/share/8xvbSHvNeJ2LCmOxmor8otNCfKKGO_emGzcygf9TZ4mfK5R8f0uSnusc_TnwfLZH.IW35DeGENsZgF2Mp

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