Something that keeps me shackled are the thoughts from the past. I mean if I'm sitting idle or driving alone, a surge of anger takes place inside me and I enter this loop of very aggressive and vengeful thinking abouy closed ones that have wronged me or those I feel they still hold power or familial authority over me. Also there's this feeling of helplessness with certain characters where I feel like they've been given undue authority over me e.g. my father and I know that no matter what that will always be exploited and weaponised against me which keeps my freedom and independence hijacked for life. Has anyone dealt or recovered from this? This is keeping me handcuffed to the past. How do I break the cycle and reclaim my power as an individual?

I have the two most amazing friends, Julian and Alison, we met at University more than 30 years ago. Our friendships are as strong now as they were during the honeymoon period. Probably stronger because we have been through a lot together. 30 years is a long time! In Autumn, I will have an operation in my colon and I suppose to have someone with me. I've been back in the Canaries for 6 years and I have met people. Fair-weather friends some of them, others I had to change so they felt comfortable around me. I have two sisters. One of them used to abuse when I was a child, and now as an adult, she thrives in looking for things to belittle me. Would I want her around me the day of my operation - no thanks. Plus I would make me a hypocrite. I know that my younger sister would do it for me, but unfortunately I don't have a date yet for the operation. The last time I had this operation, they called me the week before the operation! So, I am not sure she would have enough time to ask for the day off. And the other question, would she want to be there? Six years, lots of effort and when I suppose to have the assistance of someone, I don't really feel like I have anyone close enough to be there. Society says family is important. I say family - family blood- just water with colourants!

Why is it called mr nice guy syndrome if there is nothing nice about it? and it doesnt apply only to guys, what about women, children.. maybe because it is nice in a shallow, superficial way? I have a question for u. How do I find out in marriage that the relationship is/can be healthy after 20 years of people pleasing? I can imagine divorce is pretty messy with all that financial, existentional and emotional burden, especially with kids involved... Any suggestions, podcasts, advice, video or experience u can share?

I've noticed that instead of directly saying No, I'd revolve around it by being super diplomatic and making it palatable for the other person by providing lengthy explanations and details, they didn't care about. Now, I've decided to say no first and then see if I need to justify it, based on who is infront of me. How've you guys gotten comfortable saying no without feeling guilty or risking abandonment?

So I've been noticing something for a while now, irrespective of how I carry myself, I end up in arguments with security guards, shopkeepers, admin staff etc. And these are mostly arguments over little things like you can't park your car here and I just question them back with 'why is that?' and then it just escalates into a heated one. I feel like sometimes such staff in authority are being unreasonable and hence I give them a pushback. It's not that I just never listen to anyone but if someone makes up a rule on the go, I have a problem with that and that just drags the whole interaction. Also, even if I comply, I feel like I lost my frame or allowed him to violate my boundary and rights. And, I just go into a weird thought loop which consumes a lot of my energy to 'get him'. And I just keep questioning myself, 'oh why did I allow that?, why did I comply?' Whereas for some it's a very short conversation like: Guard: You cant stand here, park here, take pics or whatever Their reply: Okay no problem - I'm just trying to understand how you assess if you are an easy target where people pick on you easily? I've noticed that some people would do the same thing and they just get away with it. - Also, the thought loops are very tolling, how do you just make sure that you do not allow someone else to consume so much of your head space?