Hey everyone Based on the 30 day social confidence challenge, I've put together a comprehensive guide on how to create a thriving social life. This guide includes - how to build a social circle from zero - the key social skills to develop - the main fears you'll need to overcome (and how) Comment "SOCIAL" below if you want a copy Cheers

Wassup, If you find yourself often hesitating before you make a decision or take an action, not because you don’t know what to do exactly, but you’re worried about how other people might react, or you feel like you need some sort of signal from the outside world before you can move forward, then you don’t want to miss today’s episode. Today, we’re going to explore why Nice Guys and People Pleasers often freeze and end up following the lead of others instead of making decisions for themselves. If you find yourself having to check with others before you move forward on a decision, or you procrastinate on something simple because you just weren’t sure how it was going to land with other people, this is for you. Do you often ask for advice rather than feedback? Like you ask for people’s advice on the idea you haven’t acted on, rather than feedback on the idea you have already started. Basically, you’re afraid of going first. You’re afraid of initiating, taking an action that doesn’t come with some sort of signal of approval and validation before you do it. This is something that I’ve called Green Light Syndrome. Maybe you’re hesitant to initiate sex, not because you don’t want to, but you’re scared that she might reject you. Maybe you’re hesitant to go for the promotion, not because you don’t want the job, but because nobody said that you were right for the role, and nobody said you should apply for it. When it comes to dinner, you might know what you want to eat, but you frame it as a question, like, what do you guys want to eat? You can’t just put the idea out there and take the risk that other people would disagree. Confident men don’t do this. They make the decision and THEN they deal with the consequences. You’re trying to deal with the consequences before making the decision. By the end of this episode, hopefully you’ll understand why it is you’ve got that vague sense of waiting for approval before you can take action and make a decision, and how to transition into someone who can go forward and take that risk and lead with initiative and know what they really want.

There are 3 general levels I’ve identified on the self-confidence spectrum: Insecure, Coping, and Secure. Insecure is where you’re unable to take value-based actions because you’re either too afraid or you’re unaware that you lack confidence. Coping is where you have some awareness, and you try to push through your insecurities with new behaviours, setting goals and disciplining yourself to follow strict rules. And Secure is where you behave healthy in a way that doesn’t feel like trying (in the way Coping does), and is based on nuanced in-the-moment decisions related to your core values. A common issue I see is people mistaking Coping for Secure. Coping is where you’ve found a way to paper-over, push through, or otherwise circumvent your insecurities, but ultimately you are still ruled by them. Confidence is where the insecurities no longer hold any sway over your decisions, even if they still exist in your mind. The best way to demonstrate this is with clear examples. When someone is Insecure, they’re worried about what their parents think of them, to the point where they just do as they’re told. As Coping for this, they might try to prove their parents wrong and rebel against them, i.e. "The best revenge is massive success" (Frank Sinatra). Notice how this rebellion still stems directly from caring what the parents think. A Secure person would not factor in how the parents react at all, neither trying to win their love nor prove them wrong, i.e. "The best revenge is to not be like them" (Marcus Aurelius). An Insecure person might be too scared to go for a promotion at work but feel pressured to go for it because that’s what they’re supposed to want. As Coping, they might push themselves to “fake it til you make it” and put on a confident performance at the job interview to get the promotion. A Secure person would just be honest in the job interview, and may not even feel the need to get promoted unless it was an act of integrity to apply for the job.

1. Where in the world are you from? United States 2. What is your number one self development goal this year? To improve my confidence and self esteem. 3. What challenge or issue do you want to overcome next? People pleasing and comparing myself to others.