I've been meaning to add My thoughts and share with Brojos for some time. One thing I came across was My application towards Discipline, particularly to a new lifestyle I adapted on February 18th of this Year, when I recieved the most shocking health scare of My life on top of My already pr-existing Medical conditions like fatty liver and Sleep apnea and Mental health decline from unemployment, rejection at every job application, forced to leave workplaces deemed illegal, treated like a low class citizen, disrepect from heartless administrations. Betrayal by friends more concerned about their social status, even Family trying to shove their old world values from 1956, so much so, I went from denying Myself a shred of Carbohydrates from Breads, Pasta, Rice even some vegetables, eating only Meat, eggs, fish, leafy greens, walking and training after every single meal. I spent a quarter of my last Of My superannuation on Supplements that would enhance the results with wholefoods, each one to heal 10 major organs including the Pancreas and also My Mitchondria, the engine of every cell. After 6 weeks of discipline it became devotion, i was on a warpath, believe Me, so deep into it during 5 days fasting over easter holidays, testing My Mettle with not a lick of chocolate or any food for that matter, yet it didn't phase Me like it would have 8 years before in a row! 6 weeks in I managed to go in prolong fasts from 12 hours to 5 days and feel no shred of hunger, even wanting to break the 5 day mark, I plan on to as Ketosis helps Me run on My own fat stores, ignoring all the naysayers who'd rather hook me on a drug that will make my problem worse then depend on the next stage of it. What happened mant weeks in as I began to show up socially, people began to notice in worry "How the fuck did you lose over 25kg in 3 months? Its safe to lose 1 kg a week!" Hahaha that last sentence alone put Me off from this life changing regime for 9 straight bloody years, because I was so hard on Myself to want the results yesterday.

I’m relatively new to all of this and I wanted to share a bit about my Nice Guy journey as it’s been a bit of a whirlwind for me. I thought I was fine, I thought I was a good husband, dad and son. I worked, I helped around the house, I was there when I was needed. I listened whenever my wife told me stories of her friends’ partners staying out late and felt good that I never did that. Then, last December, my wife told me she wasn’t happy, that she didn’t feel emotionally connected to me and thought we should get through Christmas and maybe separate in the New Year. I genuinely didn’t see it coming. For the first time in my life I could see myself losing everything that I had been working for. I started desperately looking for answers because I thought I was doing everything right. Eventually, one day I saw a recommendation for No More Mr Nice Guy and listened to a 15-minute summary on my way home from work. I had to pull over as I had never had something resonate with me so much and at the same time show me how many of my behaviours I thought were “good” were actually causing problems! I then found this community and was bowled over at how many other guys this has affected. I was avoiding conflict, people pleasing, making covert contracts and hiding what I wanted. I never realised how much of myself I had given up in the process. Whenever someone expressed a negative feeling, I would try and fix things without realising I was actually shutting them down. I thought I was helping, but often I was just uncomfortable and trying to make it go away. These last few months have been the hardest in my life. I have been trying to focus on myself and rediscover the real me. I am also learning to recognise and be honest about my feelings, accepting that others may not agree but that it doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is in danger. In addition, the hardest part though has been stopping myself from fixing other people’s problems and just acknowledging what they were feeling.

Luke works as a bricklayer. He’s always worked in the trades, ever since leaving high school early because the only topic he enjoyed was mechanical engineering. He does his 9 to 5, bantering with his like-minded workmates, sensing his career path forward in a vague yet certain way. He will be “on the tools” for 5-10 years, then he’ll be promoted to a supervisory role, and eventually he’ll start his own business. He’ll get a mortgage to buy a house, marry a woman he meets through his friends or on a dating app. They’ll have “a few” kids. He’ll retire in his mid-sixties, playing golf on the weekends, or going fishing with his grandkids. All of this was decided on the day Luke was born. Luke walks a path that was laid out for him by the universe, from the moment of conception until the moment his soul leaves his body. Only a significantly unusual event could change this story. It’s not a “bad” life. But it is a conditioned life. Luke has had no choice but to play his role, like an actor following the instructions of an invisible director. In the late 1800s, a researcher named Ivan Pavlov discovered that he could make dogs salivate as if food had been placed in front of them simply by ringing a bell. He conditioned the dogs to associate the sound of the bell with receiving food, until he could remove the food and just use the bell to get the same response. In the early 1900s, Edward Thorndike showed us that humans respond to a basic reward process, where we’re more likely to repeat a behaviour if it consistently gets satisfactory outcomes, and how this could be used to influence people into learning things. We would later discover that we could apply this to people against their will, essentially using rewards to force them to act in certain ways (e.g. gambling machines). A few decades later, behaviourists like John Watson and B.F. Skinner showed us that we could accurately control the behaviours of others through operant conditioning - using specific combinations of reward and punishment to make people behave in certain ways, regardless of the person’s original beliefs about such behaviour. We discovered that “voluntary” behaviour eventually can be moved into controlled behaviour, and if interviewed, the person would report that they “chose” to do it, even though it could be clearly demonstrated that they were programmed to do it.

I wanted to share my personal breakthroughs. For past couple weeks I have been practicing authentic behavior's. Speaking my mind and I really don't care and don't seek anybody's approval anymore. Especially from my father and mother. I am making big changes in all areas of my life especially profession. Life is short and after long thinking I decided to follow my dreams and focus on self development in areas I always loved like Music/Acting/Drawing/Writing. After years of giving my energy the wrong people I come to the conclusion that if you are not changing something in your life you are choosing it. And I have been chosing the wrong things. Why? Because I have not listinend to my own voice/soul. And in the process lost my true indentity. I try to live and remind myself this quote Jim Carrey said "You can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love"

I've noticed that instead of directly saying No, I'd revolve around it by being super diplomatic and making it palatable for the other person by providing lengthy explanations and details, they didn't care about. Now, I've decided to say no first and then see if I need to justify it, based on who is infront of me. How've you guys gotten comfortable saying no without feeling guilty or risking abandonment?