Today is a special day · Brotherhood Of Scent

Today is a special day

Twenty-two years ago, I made a promise to myself that I would be 1 year sober for my 30th birthday. I drew a line in the sand for Labor Day and spent that day cleaning out everything in my apartment and taking it to the trash. The next day I went to my first meeting, and my life completely changed for the better.

I never had a rock bottom moment, like I heard from so many people. I got lucky and never ended up in jail or with a DUI. But I knew that if I didn't change, that was the direction my life would go. I would be a slave to the bottom of the bottle, hooked on cigarettes and booze with a future of pain and sadness ahead of me. I gave up all of the things I thought I loved - Coors banquet, Shiner Bock, Mickey's, American Spirits, Marlboro Reds, little baggies of things that I didn't always know the names of, but took anyway.

That first night was rough, and for the first week, it took every ounce of will power to not go to the store or pick up the phone. I learned to focus on other things, and slowly, gradually, over about 6 weeks, the cravings became less and less. I had a little newspaper clipping that showed how your body recovered from the effects of tobacco and alcohol after you stopped using them. It became my guiding light: At 2 months, my risk of heart attack drops 25%. At 6 months, my lungs stop hacking up nicotine, and I no longer cough all the time. At 1 year, my risk of lung disease is cut in half. At 5 years, my risk of cancer is similar to that of a non-smoker. At 15 years, it's like I never smoked at all.

My parents gave me incentives, too. At 1 year, they told me they would pay for me to go on a vacation if I could keep it up. I decided that year to go to San Diego comic con. I had become very depressed and emotionally withdrawn. One of the negative effects of quitting was that I no longer had a social circle, and I had become agoraphobic, causing me to gain a lot of weight. I had become reclusive (I still am), and depressed, and so I saw this vacation as a last opportunity to do something fun and then exit stage left. I made plans to enjoy myself, say a few goodbyes, and then it would be over.

As I was packing, my mom handed me a little digital point and shoot camera to take with me. It was a 1.3 megapixel Sony Cybershot. My phone now has a better camera, but at the time it was new technology and pretty fancy. I had never had a camera, and I thought it would be fun to document my last trip and give people some good memories of me. And when I got to the convention, I had the time of my life. I ran around the center thinking I was Ansel Adams or Richard Avedon. Cute girls in costumes stopped to pose for me, and I got to meet a bunch of my favorite artists. I met one guy in artist's alley who was sitting alone drawing and selling his self-published comic book. I got to talking to him and asked him why he was there. He told me that it was something innate within him that if he couldn't not do. Even if no one read his book, and he never worked in the industry, he felt compelled to make his art and be creative. It was just who he was.

I went home and decided to find that in myself. When I was a kid I was very creative and drew all the time and made art, and I wanted to find that again. Instead of calling it quits, I started taking art classes through UT's Informal Education Program. It was 12 classes over 6 weeks for $125 plus materials. The photography professor showed us how a camera worked and gave me a little homework assignment. I did the assignment, and now, 20 years later, it's the principle source of my income.

I would not be here today if I hadn't gone to San Diego. I would not be here today if I hadn't taken that camera with me. I would not be here today if I hadn't gotten sober.

Thanks for taking the time.

I haven't picked out an SOTD yet. I find it funny that my favorite scents are booze and tobacco. I thought it would trigger me, but instead it feels like drinking from the cup of my conquered enemy. Like I'm spitting in the face of my former demon. So maybe I will wear something boozy today to remind me of my victory.

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