Trying to get back on track...

I guess I've been in a spiral. Have gotten barely any sleep the last 4 nights. And haven't really been present here the last couple days in my isolation. Went to a Big Lebowski themed bowling birthday party on Saturday, where I only knew a couple people there. I had a fun time meeting new people and socializing. But, at the end of the night at home, I broke down a bit. It felt like I didn't have all of my survival masks up like I usually do. And it left me feeling vulnerable and scared afterwards. So, I supposed it's a win in some aspects, but felt kind of uncomfortable.

I've been struggling with sleep quite terribly after my 1 night of success. I toss and turn and mind spin until 8/9am or so, and then finally manage to grab a couple hours of sleep. Sunday morning, around 9am, I got out of bed and did one small task. And afterwards, finally managed to get a couple hours of sleep. (Also did a task at 2am one of the nights before after seeing a post here encouraging to do a task that's on your mind.) It does help to take a bit of weight off the shoulders to try to relax better. I always felt like I should stay in bed in the dark with eyes closed until I could fall asleep, and not wanting to get up and do things, and thus make myself more awake. But, learning to find that balance, of perhaps completing a small task to take some pressure off, which may help result in sleep.

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