Hopes and fears and struggles and light

I went into my 3 hour DDT dance rehearsal last night in a good mood. I did meditations, breathing exercises, and came here. This dance company is the only one I work with that goes for 3 hour rehearsals (most are 1-2), and I've really been struggling in that 3rd hour lately. But, I had completed the Day 5 Challenge the day before, fell asleep easily (had the random wakeup, but still quite happy with it!), and felt like I was prepared to manage all of the 3 hours with no problem, despite the immune flare I'm experiencing.

It ended in disappointment and a flood of tears all over the dance floor. And extreme pain from the injury that occurred. I've been doing everything to heal the best that I can. And today, another dancer and the company director both texted to check in on me and ask how I'm doing, which was nice.

I had a different rehearsal for a job tonight, and managed through it fine, though I only got 1 hour of sleep with all of the pain. A few of them had no idea that I was injured. I'm proud that I pushed through, but also wary of my tendency to put others before me. But luckily, the dance I learned tonight was not nearly as physically rigorous as the other.

I told my boyfriend that I will tell my DDT director that I will only mark the dances this coming week to give my body time to heal. And told him to keep me accountable lol. Because I know that my people pleasing, perfectionist, overachiever self will push to do it all anyways, which will slow healing, and possibly make the injuries worse.

Still waiting for the day that I successfully make it through the 3 hours good enough for my expectations like I used to. This may sound negative, but it's not. Half the battle is the mental anxiety and fear. All while being grateful that I can still dance, and needing to remind myself of that regularly! That good 3 hours is coming again, I can feel it!!!!

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Hopes and fears and struggles and light