Self-care, self-love, self-reflection....self, self, self. These all seem to be great things, but is there a dark side to this? Have we become so obsessed with ourselves that we're actually doing more harm than good? The opposite, self-abandonment and self-neglect, are not great either. Is there a line that we can walk better? Can we have a better relationship with our selves? 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐀 Philautia (φιλαυτία) comes from Ancient Greek: philos = love, affection autos = self - Meaning: self-love or love of oneself. In some contexts this was seen as a virtue while in others it's seen as a vice. So, I suppose context and further definition matters. 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 Healthy self-regard is beneficial for wellbeing....I'd argue that humility is being able to be grounded in truth. It's not about downing oneself, but rather about being abile to see something for what it is--we'd be able to see our strong points and also our weak points. But with our ability to see our weaknessess and mistakes, we would also need to pair that up with self-compassion This leads to more resilience, more accountability, and increased ability to learn from our mistakes. In this sense, self-love isn't arrogance but it's rather the foundation of growth. 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Many philosophical and religious traditions offer a caution though-- when the self becomes the primary object of our attention, something begins to distort. Psychology also echose this in some way--we know that excessive self-focus is linked to heightened sensitivity to perceived threats/criticism, rumination, anxiety and depression. If the mind becomes trapped into the loop of "how do I feel", "What does this mean about me?", and "how am I being perceived" and this has detrimental effects---the more we obsess about ourselves, the less fulfilled we become. Our relationship with others AND our relationship wtih ourselves suffers. It becomes pigeon holed and doesn't take our whole being into account. If you've gotten to this point, here's what I read that inspired this whole post:

This weekend we celebrated one year since we bought our house, and it was pretty much the perfect weekend. We had 36 people over for a BBQ, from 3 to 82 years old, and everyone was sitting around eating, talking and laughing together. It was one of those days where you look around and think, this is exactly what I wanted this place to be. The next day we did the cleanup but also took a break and went to the beach. We swam, played in the waves, sat in the sun enjoying one of the last warm days of summer, then came home, made dinner and were getting ready to watch a movie together. And then I spilled a cup of hot water all over my thigh. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 So instead of ending this lovely weekend watching a movie with my husband, I ended it standing in the shower running cold water over a pretty nasty burn. What I found interesting afterwards was how easily that could have become the story of the weekend. We do that so often. Something goes wrong, especially at the end, and somehow it gets more weight in our memory than all the things that went right before it. But when I thought about it, the accident hadn't changed any of what had already happened. I still had that wonderful Saturday with 36 people enjoying our home, I still went swimming on Sunday, I still sat in the sun and had a great day with my husband. I also burned my leg at the end of it. 😄 I think I'm getting better at allowing those things to exist together instead of letting the bad thing rewrite the whole experience. It was a wonderful weekend AND I had a crappy accident at the end of it. Both are true. And maybe that's worth remembering the next time one thing goes wrong and our brain immediately wants to use it to grade everything that came before it. 😊

Happy September, Inspired and Empowered Fam! :) I don't create short posts too often, but I figured I'd like to do a check in and see how you're all doing and see what's something that you'd like to focus on this month. :) What's something that I can follow up with you guys at the end of the month? 𝗔𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿: - 1.Which area feels most energized right now? How can I continue nurturing it? - 2.Which area feels neglected? What might it need from me? - 3.Is there an area I keep saying I want to prioritize but rarely give my time or energy to? - 4.Which area, if improved even slightly, might have a positive ripple effect on the rest of my life? - 5. Where am I doing things because I genuinely value them and where am I operating from “should”? - 6.What do I want to experience more of this September? - 7.What do I want to intentionally make space for? POLL: Which area would benefit from some love, attention and intention?

𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘀 𝘃𝘀. 𝗞𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗼𝘀: 𝗧𝘄𝗼 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 A friend shared an experience and said something along the lines of "I have no where else to be. This is what this time is for. There's no need to rush." It was a beautiful way to hear time and exprience being described. Shortly after, I was reading and the concept of Kairos came up (in contrast to Chronos) and it got me thinking about time and how we spend it. We tend to think of time as something we measure: minutes, hours, deadlines, calendars, birthdays, appointments...The relentless march of "you're late", "what's next", "gotta catch up". 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲: chronological, sequential, measurable time. It asks "What time is it?" But there’s 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲: 𝗞𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗼𝘀. Kairos is the right moment a meaningful, opportune, or significant moment that isn’t necessarily measured by a clock. It's more of an experience. It's about Presence. It asks, "𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗲" as opposed to "what time is it"... We can spend three hours doing something and feel like it took ten minutes because we were fully present and immersed. Or....we can spend ten minutes waiting for something and feel like we've aged 10 years. Our orientation (and heart posturing perhaps?) with the allotted time matters. Chronos helps us schedule our lives and counts the moments. Kairos helps us experience our lives and give the moments meaning. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗞𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗼𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆? (A moment that felt significant, timely, or somehow bigger than the amount of time it actually took?) POLL: What's your relationship with time? ----------------------------------------------𝗕𝗢𝗡𝗨𝗦 𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗔𝗟-------------------------------------------------------- 𝗔𝗻 𝗔𝗜 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄 𝗼𝗳 𝗢𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝘀: The ancient Greeks used Chronos to mean quantitative, linear, sequential clock-and-calendar time, personified as the primeval deity of ages. They used Kairos to mean qualitative, opportune, "in-between" moments of decisive action, personified as the youngest child of Zeus, representing the fleeting, perfect window to act.

One of the ideas in The Comfort Crisis (book) that really stuck with me is the distinction between biological hunger and reward-driven eating. It's not like I wasn't aware, it's just that it pointed to something that I often do...snack. Snack because something sounds good, snack because I'm having a hard time deciding what to do, snack because I'm stressed, snack because it's available, snack because I'm accustumed to snacking... snack. snack. snack. And my snacks? They're full on meals..ha. But how often do I actually neeeeeed to snack? Probably almost never because my body is barely ever actually hungry...And this? This isn't a good thing. Here's the difference: 𝗕𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 This is our body saying: "I NEED energy.” It tends to build gradually and isn't necessarily picky. We're more likely to notice physical cues like an empty feeling in your stomach, low energy, or difficulty concentrating. If we're genuinely hungry, a fairly ordinary meal can sound pretty good. No fancy flavors or textures needed. 𝗥𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱-𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 This is more like: “I WANT that”. We might be completely physically satisfied but suddenly have an intense desire for cookies, chips, donuts, ice cream, or whatever our particular weakness happens to be. It can be triggered by: stress, boredom, habit, seeing or smelling food, emotions, fatigue, social situations, or simply knowing that something is available. Oh....availability...My nemesis. Unlike people in the past, modern life gives us almost unlimited access to food rewards. Availability. So, we end up responding to food cues/rewards instead of actual energy needs. And this has a negative impact on us. It gives us a dopamine boost, but it wreaks havoc on our bodies. So, what can we do about it? First, be aware!! Awareness allows for us to be intentional with our decision making: 𝗣𝗔𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. Ask “What kind of hungry am I?” pause... When the desire to eat comes, ask: 1. Would I eat something relatively ordinary right now?