In reading "Thinking, Fast and Slow" one of the concepts that stood out was this idea of the experiencing self vs. the remembering self and how the ending or peak moments of a situation can create a bias about the experience as a whole which then contributes to the experiencing self making decisions that are biased and potentially problematic. It actually made me think of @Serena DAfree 's AMAZING group (dafree-community--a group about domestic violence awareness) and maybe how this principle applies to victims that continue coming back to problematic situations. The experiencing self is the you that lives moment to moment. It feels the boredom, the joy, the discomfort, the calm. It exists only in the present. The remembering self is the storyteller. It looks back, edits aggressively, keeps the highlights and the emotional spikes, and then decides what something “was like.” This is the self that answers questions like “Was that trip worth it?” or “Was that relationship good for me?” (To apply it to poor relationships/bad jobs/chaotic dynamics--The experiencing self remembers the stress, the anxiety, the walking-on-eggshells feeling. It knows the situation feels bad while it’s happening. The remembering self, however, edits the footage. It keeps the intense highs, the relief after conflict, the rare good moments, and conveniently blurs the long stretches of discomfort. Then it tells a story like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “But when it was good, it was really good.” So people go back. Again and again.Not because the situation feels good overall, but because the ending or the peak moments stand out. Your brain weighs the apology, the reunion, the occasional validation more heavily than the daily emotional tax) Most of our decisions are made to satisfy the remembering self, not the experiencing one. That’s why we endure miserable commutes for status, stay in relationships that look good on paper, and chase peak moments instead of daily well-being. The remembering self loves a good story. The experiencing self just wants fewer bad moments.

Our brains are not neutral...ever wonder why one negative comment can derail your whole day while getting positive feedback barely does anything? Why it can be difficult to try new things? Why losing $20 feels worse than winning $20? Why breaking a stream feels more painful than maintaining it feels joyful? This is the brain running on 2 psychological pathways that happen automatically: The negativity bias and loss aversion. Negativity bias means your brain gives negative stimuli preferential treatment. The amygdala fires more rapidly and intensely when it detects anything potentially threatening or painful. Positive events register, but they simply do not activate the same level of neural intensity. So negative experiences feel more intense. Then, loss aversion doubles down. From a cognitive standpoint, losses are viewed as more significant than gains. The psychological “cost” of losing tends to outweigh the psychological “benefit” of gaining, even when the events are equal in size. Your brain would rather avoid the pain of losing than pursue the pleasure of winning. This means negative experiences have more gravitational pull in your mind. Let's translate this to relationships. The Gottman's (gurus on relationships who have tons of research on this) give us the example: In close relationships, you need roughly five positive interactions for every one negative to maintain stability. This ratio is not arbitrary. It counterbalances the heavier cognitive and emotional weight that negative interactions carry. A single critical comment activates both biases, so the positives must come in higher volume to keep the system regulated. 5:1!! That's some weight! But, having a ratio like this, tells us that we CAND do something about it: these biases may be automatic, BUT we can work with counteracting them a bit. We can strengthen prefrontal cortex regulation through intentional activities such as savoring, recognition of micro-moments of connection, naming strengths, repair attempts, and cognitive reframing. Basically being on the lookout for the good.

Greetings fellow empowered beings!! :) As we're approaching this last month, let's take a look at the past year (things we've achieved, lessons we've learned, things we've left behind and added) and let's use that to mobilize us in this next month. Let's use this last month of the year to build momentum and get a running start into 2026. We don't have to wait.... We treat January like it has magical powers when really it is just a month with better PR. Psychologically speaking, December is prime time for momentum building. It is the month where the brain naturally shifts into reflection mode, which means insight is already simmering and it might make it the perfect time to launch! A lot of people experience SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter months--- so I think that it's really really important to look at the habits that we engage in and how this either contributes, reinforces or helps ease this effect. (side note--with my clients in Michigan, I start having conversations about this in September because the weather here along with the habits really influence people's experiences for 6 months at a time!! We can't control the weather, BUT we can do things differently). *****So, how are you using December and what are your intentions? *****How will you use this past year as a way to move into the next? Here are some questions to consider as you look back on your past year (questions are part of an AAR (After Action Review). 1. What did we intend to accomplish (what was our strategy)? 2. What did we do (how did we execute relative to our strategy)? 3. Why did it happen that way (why was there a difference between strategy and execution)? 4. What will we do to adapt our strategy or refine our execution for a better outcome OR how do we repeat our success?

@Bruno Militz and I had a fantastic call last Friday and one of the topics that came up was in relation to vision, intention, and execution of goals. (Find his group here: Personal Growth School --he has a goal setting workshop coming up and his energy is solid--what a delight it was to talk to him! Absolutely love his energy. :) ) Additionally @Wesley Penner also has a group associated with planning/executing Executive Skill Journey -you've seen some of his helpful comments/feedback on here!:) Amongst other things, we talked about the different type of things that contribute to people falling short on their goals and getting discouraged and the types of things that build momentum and keep us focused. I'm kind of curious about everyone's process to goal execution. What do you do? What's your approach? I typically do a vision board--something that reminds me of the broader things/values that i want to focus on and embody. I want to focus on who I want to become/nurture as a person and take action that coincides with that. (e.g. the word connection or a picture of friends may be on the board). In addition to this, I may then break it down and have some action steps that's separate from the vision board (e.g. set up a date with a friend). I don't always put timelines on things and I also don't make it so stringent that if I somehow miss the mark it becomes discouraging. It's too easy to become discouraged. Below are some approaches that some people take (chat GPT did help with the pretty structuring and some of the info!) 1️⃣ Outcome Based Goals Focus is on the end result.Example: “I want to lose 10 pounds” or “I want to finish my degree.” ✔️ Good for direction and clarity ⚠️ Can feel overwhelming if not broken down; people often fail these without a strong why and without a strong process

If you could choose five people to sit on the board inside your mind, who would they be? This question can help towards increased self awareness, decision making, and value clarification. Think of your inner board as the council that helps guide your choices, shape your mindset, and keep you aligned with the person you want to become. These people can be alive, deceased, mentors, authors, characters or maybe even future versions of yourself. Here are some potential considerations: -The Visionary/Idealist/Inspired/Passionate: someone who pulls you toward possibility -The Truth Teller/The Open minded one: someone who gives clarity, honesty and grounded feedback; someone who may call you out on your b.s.(hopefully in kindness!); someone who may offer different perspectives -The Compassionate One: someone who offers steadiness, emotion regulation, -The Strategist/Problem solver: someone who helps you think long term and make wise decisions -The Courage Catalyst/Motivator/Cheerleader: someone who reminds you to stretch past fear or take action even when others around may say otherwise. -The Moral Compass/The Grateful: someone who reminds you of values, of other types of considerations; someone who is grounded in what is Your choices help identify what you value, what you aspire to, and what qualities you want more of in your daily life. (The video and infographic below is in relation to the people that we surround ourselves with and the significance of that) Question for you: Who deserves a seat on the board in your mind and who has been sitting there rent free that needs to be replaced?