Often times, people who engage in perfectionistic type thinking and behaviors indicate that they have high standards, are aiming for excellence, and indicate that they are committed to growth. These seem like great things and they can be, but the undercurrent of what drives these statements matters. Clinically speaking, perfectionism is often less about excellence and more about fear. Fear related to failure, criticism, disappointing others, of not being enough... Perfectionism is often an attempt to manage uncertainty and protect ourselves from painful emotions. The problem is that the strategies we use to avoid those feelings can end up creating more stress, anxiety, and disconnection. Below are some common perfectionistic behaviors: 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 Perfectionists often work harder than necessary to prevent mistakes or criticism. The underlying belief is often: "If I work hard enough, I can eliminate the possibility of failure." Unfortunately, no amount of effort can guarantee that. 𝐃𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 Many perfectionists struggle to hand tasks over to others in fear that things won't be done "correctly". This can create burnout, resentment, and the feeling that everything depends on them. The hidden cost: carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be carried alone. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 "Do you think that was okay?" "Are you sure you're not upset with me?" "Can you check this one more time?" Seeking reassurance can temporarily reduce anxiety, but it often strengthens the belief that confidence must come from outside ourselves. (safety behavior that reduces anxiety in the short term but creates problems in the long term) 𝐄𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐎𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 Planning is super helpful, but perfectionism can turn planning into a way of avoiding uncertainty. Hours are spent creating the perfect schedule, researching every option, or organizing every detail before taking action. This type of planning can become a substitute for living. It can give the impression that progress is being made but no actual action is being taken.

Not sure how long the link will be active but it was a good reminder! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXHNvnGkbEm/?igsh=ZjZ3anNlc21wdzh6

This is part of a real life journal entry from this past week. A small glimpse (but not the full picture) of part of my thinking world. Good times. ha! But here are some questions for YOU: What's something that you held back on or postponed due to not wanting to face the truth earlier on? What were the factors at play and what were the effects? Is there something you're holding back on now? AND Have you ever faced a difficult truth that ultimately improved your life once you accepted it? _______ part of entry_____________ "There is nothing covered that shall not be revealed and nothing hidden that shall not be known". "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." We hide because we're ashamed, because we're afraid of consequences, because we're afraid of how others may react, because we're afraid of loss, because we're afraid we'll finally have to face ourselves and own our own desires and wants and needs and so we end up sitting in darkness feeling lost, feeling the weight of our own prison. We fear that the thing that we're hiding about ourselves says something irredeemable and puts us in a less than perfect light or a less than expected light. We fear that exposure would lead to such drastic change that we won't know how to handle it. But the reality is that the truth exists, whether we hide it or not. We just end up complicating it more-ensnaring it in chains of our own doing without giving it room to actually breathe. To actually breathe...Breathe. When it has breathing room it can be looked at for what it is and we can also get curious about what's underlying it. We often only take a look at the lie or the undesired behavior and are so ashamed by it that we try to shut it down...but underneath that there can be something that's making it grow further (be there to begin with). If we're wasting so much energy on keeping things hidden from ourselves and others, we're denying ourselves the opportunity to see what's really there and that's denying our potential for growth, our potential for healing, our potential for real life transformation. Buying into our own bullshit. Ain't that some bullshit? Lord help us all. But me especially. Obvs.

Our brains/bodies are SOOOOOO frickin' cool!!! I woke up at my usual time this morning (4a.m.), got ready for the gym and read and journaled until about 6a.m.. This is the usual routine. Although fully caffeinated, at 6a.m. a wave of tiredness hit me and I decided to not go to the gym and take a nap before work instead and slept until 8. (this is unusual--I usually force myself to go even if I'm tired)...(side thought: In college I used to have redbull and it would be funny because within an hour of having it, I'd still be able to go to bed...good times). Anyways, this whole situation got me wondering about the why and I think that the mental load of the activities (and the CONTENT and EMOTIONAL LOAD/MANAGEMENT of what I was thinking/writing about) this morning kind of depleted me just a bit. And this made me think of the lower amount of energy investment I've been putting into things as of late. (I was writing about truth which took me down a cool path but at the end (and it's not really the end), I started digging into things more and that ended up being it's own journey that I know will be going on for a long time. But, I knocked myself out in the process. ha. So, I woke up and started looking up things about the brain because I'm often energized by learning new things and engaging in conversations (my whole job is dependent on me being alert/engaged) but this time it wiped me so I wanted to know the science behind what was happening....nerding it out ). The video talks about HOW to address/ manage energy! :) So here are some fun facts for you (that you may have already known, but they're interesting anyway). It's okay if you don't read it all....I'll be using this moving forward so I and my clients will be benefitting! :) BUT, it might be worth reading to gain an even deeper understanding of what's happening if you feel depleted! :) (Thanks to notebooklm for condensing a bunch of different articles and spitting out some cool facts about the 𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)

"𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐲, 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐜𝐫𝐞, 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞". I love that more than most people probably realize. I also think there’s an important distinction that gets missed in conversations about growth, performance, and resilience.. Potential is not accessed through constant nervous system overload but I think many of us approach it in this way. A lot of us try to force ourselves into higher performance while our systems are already chronically stressed, overstimulated, emotionally exhausted, disconnected, or stuck in survival mode. This type of 'grinding' eventually catches up because our nervous system was not designed to just operate under endless pressure without recovery. A lot of self-development is focused around 'pushing harder', 'optimizing more', 'staying hungry', 'outworking everyone', and not slowing down. In the meantime, our bodies are asking to be regulated- asking for moments where they are not subconsciously bracing for the next impact. Healthy amount of sleep. Actual stillness. A sense of safety. A sense of real presence. Real connection with people that are actually grounding for our systems. Many high functioning individuals don't even realize the level of dysregulation because performance is still high, there's still a high level of productivity, there's still movement and achievement. But...internally, we feel perpetually 'on', restless, detached from ourselves, unable to fully recover and kind of emotionally thin.We can be mentally tough but physiologically overwhelmed. This is a signal of survival and survival mode is not sustainable elevation. What's not addressed ends up seeping out in different ways. To rise above mediocrity requires effort, discipline, and responsibility. It does require a level of hunger. BUT it also requires the capacity to regulate our nervous systems well enough that we can actually sustain the clarity, depth, creativity, emotional stability and growth over time. Otherwise burnout happens. An overloaded system feels heavier and things become more difficult than they need to be and then we end up judging ourselves for it "I need to be stronger" "I need to stop being lazy" "I just need more discipline" and on and on an on.