Here's a not so hot take: Fear (not hate) is the true opposite of love. From a psychological perspective love is closely tied to secure attachment which has the following features: openness, trust, emotional regulation, and the ability to stay connected even when things feel uncomfortable. When we feel loved, the nervous system settles... We are open to listening more easily, we are able to stay open/present instead of pulling away, we can let down the armor that we hold up. Fear,however, activates our threat response (our fight/flight/freeze response). It sends alarm signals saying that something isn't safe. When our brains sense danger (physical or emotional or spiritual), it shifts into protection mode. Why wouldn't it? This is often how this can look relationally: Fight--criticism, anger, hostility (this can look like hate, right?) ; Flight--withdrawal, avoidance, shutting d down; Freeze--numbness, detachment. These type of responses end up being about survival, rather than connection...and these types of responses often lead to disconnection---the very think that people in relationship/friendship don't actually want. So, what can look like coldness, indifference, or even hate is often fear underneath: Fear of rejection/abandonment, fear of vulnerability, fear of losing safety, identity, or control. Fear disrupts the psychological safety that love requires.. So maybe part of love is being able to create a space where another human being doesn't feel the need to protect themselves from us. I love that the Greek language has like 7 different definitions for love. My favorite: Agape (A love that is expressed as a choice and a posture, not just a feeling; Agape is love that seeks the good of another, even when it costs you something). POLL:What most often triggers your emotional “shutdown” in relationships? QUESTIONS TO PONDER:Who in your life helps your heart feel calm, safe, and able to stay open? When you notice yourself shutting down, what is the fear underneath it trying to protect?

Posted with permission from @Georgiana D ❤️ Valentine’s Day Special Training — Understanding & Preventing Coercive Control Valentine’s Day often highlights love and connection. We’re choosing to also look honestly at how control, coercion, and harm can hide inside relationships. Love should never require fear, compliance, or self-erasure ❤️ On Saturday 14th February, we are honoured to host the brilliant @Serena DAfree from DAfree Awareness Movement for two tailored sessions — one for trauma survivors and one for therapists/counsellor and coaches. Duration 1 hour, and will be recorded. Live attendance is open to all members. 💜 Trauma Survivor / Peer Support Community Join for free here: Trauma Healing Community VTT 🕑 2pm UK time (check your calendar for local time) Understanding & Preventing Coercive Control We will explore: • what coercive control is and why it can be invisible • how patterns of control create trauma over time• how it appears beyond romantic relationships • the impact on the nervous system, identity & safety• red flags and gentle awareness By the end, you’ll: • recognise coercive control as a pattern, not a single event • understand how harm can exist without physical violence • gain language for experiences that are often hard to name• leave with a more compassionate lens for yourself and others 🌿 Therapist Community (for therapists, counsellors and coaches) Join for free here: Therapist Community TPS 🕓 4pm UK time (check your calendar for local time) Coercive Control Explained for Therapists: Why it Matters We will explore: • foundations of domestic abuse & coercive control • historical, legal & human rights perspectives • impacts on survivors • how coercive control presents in therapeutic work

Hey Everyone, Happy Friday! I hope you've had a wonderful week! Something I've been thinking about recently, and often struggle with, is developing empathy. I am sure it is partially genetic, and partially learned, but I think it is something that we can all develop and improve. I have never been an empathetic person by nature, and my father is even worse. Perhaps I got it from him, though unlike him, I have tried on and off to improve it. It's tough though! I often struggle to feel what others feel, or to see things from their point of view. If I've had the same experience as someone else, it is easier, but still perhaps not as easy as I would like it to be. That said, I know I'm not a psychopath because I certainly tear up from time to time during an emotional movie scene, etc. 🤣 So I definitely feel what others are feeling, to some extent. Plus, I care about others and their well-being, and am quite a good person objectively. I just struggle to feel what they're feeling, or see things from their perspective... I know my relationships with others would be better if I had a good sense of empathy, so it is something I need to keep working on. Are you empathetic by nature? What have you done to increase your ability to empathize? What advice would you give someone who is trying to improve in this area? Looking forward to your responses! 🙏😊

(Hope some resonates, still organizing my thoughts around that this day in time, I love you) In our relationships, touch is something very important. How we touch others, is how we touch ourselves. I find that an interesting thing to observe from an early age on and may be able to find some nice reflections from you in here. We can touch each other in many different ways. If we are all energy, everything we thing or do actually matters. So our unconscious intentions are often felt by each other. This goes very deep as we all gotta start looking at life holistically. We've been programmed to belief certain things and others don't. Though, what does truly stay if belief if only a perceptional truth? So if I think I'm strong, am I really? If I'm not aligned with it internally and my body speaks a different language, than I may not, right? Many of us have been harshly treated as children as our parents have been treated harshly too.. We may not always had the feeling of security, which may made us belief that we must protect ourselves in one way or another, adapting the beliefe that I must behave in a certain way in order to feel safe or justify my every action mentally. We often dive into rabbit wholes if we overthink or try to mentalise it all. To See and know truth for me has no words. It's in the every act that I'm doing that has a direct consequence on my body, mind and soul. If I respect myself humbly, with no justification about it, I don't have to prove that. If I'm unsure about my own behavior or belief, my mind tries to come up with answer to proof that I am right. Its a damn loop we as humans got into for way too long. I'd love to see a world in which we are all very intentional with what we say and how we say it, how we touch others with our voice, thoughts and real physical touches. I desire to make people feel safe and be who they are to the core. I sacrifice my life to do so and am honored being able to have spaces to share my thoughts, even if I'm still in the process of organizing them.

Check out the post by @Lisa Black about the-quiet-cost of silence and share your thoughts!