Last week we did a general overview of some of the logical fallacies---these are sneaky thinking errors that can derail conversations and stop individuals from understanding each other. They can also derail our own ability to think clearly about a situation and add to suffering. Conflict (differing views) is normal in relationships, but sometimes arguments go in circles because of logical fallacies. Below we cover some of the more common fallacies as they occur in relationships and also HOW to address these in healthier ways! :) ***The little infographic at the end is a little cheatsheet for those who would want to use it/have a visual reminder**** ✨ Common Fallacies in Relationships: - 🎯 Straw Man: Twisting what your partner said. Example: “So you’re saying I never do anything right?” when they only mentioned forgetting the dishes. - 👥 Ad Hominem: Attacking the person instead of the issue.Example: “You’re too sensitive, that’s why this is a problem.” - ⚖️ False Dilemma: Acting like there are only two choices.Example: “Either we move in together now or you don’t really love me.” - 🔄 Circular Reasoning: Using the conclusion as the reason.Example: “I’m right because I know I’m right.” - 📊 Hasty Generalization: Exaggerating from one mistake.Example: “You forgot date night once, you clearly don’t care about me at all.” - 🧲 Appeal to Emotion: Trying to win with guilt or fear instead of logic.Example: “If you loved me, you’d agree with me.” 💡 Why it matters:When fallacies sneak in, the real issues get buried under defensiveness and blame. Recognizing them gives space for empathy, clarity, and compromise. 👉Question to ponder: Which of these fallacies (if any) do you catch yourself or others using in relationships? 🌱 HOW TO CHANGE THESE TO ENGAGE IN HEALTHIER COMMUNICATION Recognizing logical fallacies is the first step, but replacing them with healthier communication makes all the difference. Here’s how to shift some of these. :) ✨ Healthy Replacements for Fallacies:

While we can't always manage how others process information, how we communicate matters as it can set the tone for how a conversation goes. The article below provides a more in depth look at each of the styles and covers some of the challenges that occur with some of them. We will explore this more in depth in the future with some added videos, but for now, here's a quick overview: ✨ Types of Communication Styles ✨ 😶 Passive – avoids conflict, holds back feelings, often says “it’s fine” when it’s not. 😡 Aggressive – dominates conversations, interrupts, uses a forceful tone. 🤐 Passive-Aggressive – appears calm but expresses frustration indirectly (sarcasm, silent treatment). 😌 Assertive – clear, respectful, and confident while also listening to others. -------------- https://mentalhealthhotline.org/understanding-communication-styles/ --------------- Questions to ponder: 👉 Which style do you notice in yourself most often? Do you switch depending on th e situation? 🧐 There are often reasons for how we communicate, what are those?

Bias: We are meant for connection. For relationship. To see and be seen. These relationships do not have to be romantic in nature, but connection keeps us alive. Below is an image of The Sound Relationship House--Built by the Gottmans. The Gottmans are known for their very extensive research on couples --research on marital stability and divorce prediction. The Sound Relationship House (SRH) is a model for building strong and lasting relationships. The different layers of the home represent the different aspects of a successful relationship. Over time, I plan on breaking down each of the levels more in depth (and each of the components within the levels will require further exploration as well) , but this is a brief overview of each of the levels. 🏠 The Sound Relationship House (SRH) 1. Bottom Floor: BUILD LOVE MAPS 🗺️❤️ - Know each other’s inner world: needs, values, past experiences, priorities, stresses - Keep love maps updated as partners evolve - Ask open-ended questions to stay connected 2️⃣ SHARE FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION 🌸💌 - Express appreciation often - Build emotional bank account with love and admiration - Feel loved and admired consistently 3️⃣ TURNING TOWARDS VS. AWAY 🔄💞 - Notice small bids for attention and connection - Turn towards your partner most of the time - These floors build friendship, intimacy, and passion 4️⃣ POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE 🌞💭 - Focus on positive sentiments over occasional negative behaviors - Strong friendship + good conflict management = positive perspective - Not directly worked on but influenced by lower floors 5️⃣ MANAGE CONFLICT ⚖️🔥Six key skills: 1. Softened start-up: “I feel…” instead of blaming 2. Accept influence: compromise and respect each other’s opinions 3. Make repairs: fix conversation before it spirals 4. De-escalate quarrels: calm the Four Horsemen dynamics 5. Self-soothe: take a break to calm down 6. Process & recover: bounce back after a fight 6️⃣ MAKE LIFE DREAMS COME TRUE 🌟🎯

"Confrontation" comes from the Medieval Latin confrontare, meaning "to border" or "to be next to". This Latin term combines com- ("together" or "with") and frontem ("forehead"). The word implies a situation of being brought "face-to-face" or "standing close enough to touch foreheads,". I say this because often times we view confrontation as something negative as opposed to an opportunity for growth, deeper understanding, and alignment. We view it negatively because often times there's a history and our own experiences where we've been misunderstood or wounded or have had examples of conflict that did turn out negative. Instead of leaning in, there's a 'fight or flight' response that happens. Below, we go over the communication styles that wound/kill relationships. Although, underneath the behavior is usually a protective part, they end up disconnecting us from each other. Their antidotes are also present because....recognition/insight is important, BUT action is required if we want things to be more whole. Here we go! (This is a summary based on a few articles on the gottman site) The PDF is just an accessible version of the same thing if you want to print it out/give it out. The TEDTalk is put on by the Gottmans--the individuals that dedicated their lives to studying relationshihps and the ones that coined "The four horsemen of relationships". *****The material is pretty much the same, just different styles of taking in information for those of us who learn in different ways**** 🐴 1. Criticism → Gentle Start-Up ✨ - Criticism attacks a person’s character. ( “You always talk about yourself. Why are you always so selfish?" "You never listen to me" ) - Antidote: Share how you feel and what you need using “I” statements ( “I’m feeling left out of our talk tonight and I'd like a space to vent. Can we please talk about my day?” "Can we take some time to talk about something that's important to me tonight?" --notice that you can state what you need without an attack on the other person)