Our brains are not neutral...ever wonder why one negative comment can derail your whole day while getting positive feedback barely does anything? Why it can be difficult to try new things? Why losing $20 feels worse than winning $20? Why breaking a stream feels more painful than maintaining it feels joyful? This is the brain running on 2 psychological pathways that happen automatically: The negativity bias and loss aversion. Negativity bias means your brain gives negative stimuli preferential treatment. The amygdala fires more rapidly and intensely when it detects anything potentially threatening or painful. Positive events register, but they simply do not activate the same level of neural intensity. So negative experiences feel more intense. Then, loss aversion doubles down. From a cognitive standpoint, losses are viewed as more significant than gains. The psychological “cost” of losing tends to outweigh the psychological “benefit” of gaining, even when the events are equal in size. Your brain would rather avoid the pain of losing than pursue the pleasure of winning. This means negative experiences have more gravitational pull in your mind. Let's translate this to relationships. The Gottman's (gurus on relationships who have tons of research on this) give us the example: In close relationships, you need roughly five positive interactions for every one negative to maintain stability. This ratio is not arbitrary. It counterbalances the heavier cognitive and emotional weight that negative interactions carry. A single critical comment activates both biases, so the positives must come in higher volume to keep the system regulated. 5:1!! That's some weight! But, having a ratio like this, tells us that we CAND do something about it: these biases may be automatic, BUT we can work with counteracting them a bit. We can strengthen prefrontal cortex regulation through intentional activities such as savoring, recognition of micro-moments of connection, naming strengths, repair attempts, and cognitive reframing. Basically being on the lookout for the good.

If you could choose five people to sit on the board inside your mind, who would they be? This question can help towards increased self awareness, decision making, and value clarification. Think of your inner board as the council that helps guide your choices, shape your mindset, and keep you aligned with the person you want to become. These people can be alive, deceased, mentors, authors, characters or maybe even future versions of yourself. Here are some potential considerations: -The Visionary/Idealist/Inspired/Passionate: someone who pulls you toward possibility -The Truth Teller/The Open minded one: someone who gives clarity, honesty and grounded feedback; someone who may call you out on your b.s.(hopefully in kindness!); someone who may offer different perspectives -The Compassionate One: someone who offers steadiness, emotion regulation, -The Strategist/Problem solver: someone who helps you think long term and make wise decisions -The Courage Catalyst/Motivator/Cheerleader: someone who reminds you to stretch past fear or take action even when others around may say otherwise. -The Moral Compass/The Grateful: someone who reminds you of values, of other types of considerations; someone who is grounded in what is Your choices help identify what you value, what you aspire to, and what qualities you want more of in your daily life. (The video and infographic below is in relation to the people that we surround ourselves with and the significance of that) Question for you: Who deserves a seat on the board in your mind and who has been sitting there rent free that needs to be replaced?

A little personal background (not necessary to read to get the content below): Back in 2017 I had decided that 2018 was going to be a "Year of Yes" (title inspired by Shonda Rhymes--creator of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal). Out of necessity rather than desire, I've had to make some bold and uncomfortable moves in 2017 and I told myself that 2018 had to be different.. It HAD to for my own sanity..I didn't want to be a spectator in my own life and wanted to be an active agent... So...that year consisted of saying yes to all sorts of things--yes to doing deep work (thank you Bible/God, thank you Brene Brown, thank you other books and friends), yes to things that scared me (e.g. speaking at a seminar, doing a radio show, running a self esteem workshop, doing activities solo, saying 'no' to things that didn't fit what I actually needed), saying yes to different connections ( @LaTanya Carter -I appreciate you more than you'll ever know!!!) . I stumbled A LOT and fell often, but I also became more confident, more independent, more conscientious of boundaries, more of myself. As a result of 2018, 2019 became my 'resurrection' year or my 'phoenix' year. Rising from the ashes. (Funny that it coincided with my 33rd year in life-maybe that's why I called it the resurrection year). So....as I'm reflecting on this past year and coming up into the next, I figured it's time...It's time for another "Year of Yes". I think it's been brewing. ______________BEGIN THE REAL POST________________________________ *Please watch the video if you have th time. :) :) People hear the phrase a "Year of Yes" and automatically think that it means impulsive decisions, saying yes to a bunch of new activities, being busy with all sorts of things, "bucket list"...But the reality is that it's more like..exposure therapy for the soul. It's breaking up with things that hold you back from living an aligned life. It's saying no to things like unhelpful fear, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, self-doubt and the "maybe later" type language.

💗There are so many great challenges out there and I didn't want to add another one to the list...BUT, in the spirit of this month of thanksgiving, I did want to gift someone something at the end of the month...I want to show appreciation to ALL of you, but given practical considerations, I just don't know if a gift is possible for all. So, I was trying to think about what would be a good way to try to go about this.... 🌟Well, how about this? In the spirit of this group and what it's about, WHAT IF we use your own goals and habits that you want to build upon as the deciding factor for winning? Not only will you get something from me but you'll be gaining momentum towards your goals and that IS winning beyond an external reward. We can use this as a way to add additional incentive to keep going and to make strides towards your goals!! And also as a place of accountability:) If there are A LOT of winners, maybe a secondary way of teasing out top winners can be something related to participation /level of activity or maybe just a random choosing. I already appreciate the activity in here and while I want to incentivise more people to participate I don't want the gift to just be dependent on that---I truly want you all to do well towards your goals!! 📈So....what say you? If you're interested, drop a comment below saying that you're in AND also identifying what you'll be working on for the rest of the month---what are the habits that you want to start/grow/continue? What will have to happen at the end of the month to say "I've made acceptable progress" towards this goal? (some areas of potential focus: physical health: diet, exercise, drinking water; spiritual health: daily prayer, gratitude practice; financial health: saving money, spending less; etc.) Let's do this!! Let's have a place to keep each other accountable, encourage each other and just take strides towards growth!! We got this, fam! :) :) :)

I think that for this month, in addition to writing up some posts, I'd like to create a space where we can put the spotlight on some members and see what happens! :) @Dr. Melissa Partaka launched her first book on Friday: The Blueprint Method – Discovering The Life You Were Meant To Live It's available on her website and on Amazon. :) Paperback: https://amzn.to/4pyy4Ct; Kindle: https://amzn.to/3K1yi6d Additionally, she's also gifting others with a FREE Quantum Wellness body scan. Her skool community: blueprint-method Melissa, so excited for your achievements! :) Happy December!