One of the biggest mistakes men make during relationship crisis is trying to solve everything alone. But transformation happens faster in brotherhood. That’s why communities like this exist. Reflection question: What has been the most helpful insight you’ve gained from being part of this group so far? If you’re considering going deeper with the work, to join the inner circle of men working the Marriage Recovery Program, you can book a call here: https://calendly.com/mark-markcoxcoaching/marriage-strategy-call And I’ll see some of you LIVE Today, Thursday at 5pm.

Had a great weekend with the wife, although she’s still withdrawn from the relationship and set on separating. We talked, laughed, shared household chores, ran errands together. She even laid down and let me massage her and she fell asleep. I think all of this is the hardest to deal with, bc what does this stuff mean?! Does she want the relationship to work?? It also can make you want to chase, bc that stuff feels good. I’m doing my best to stay in my lane. I’m trying to show up as a man she can count on, and watching for the bids for connection. In my 45 years self improvement is the hardest thing I’ve faced. If anyone has advice or anything similar to share please do.

Can anyone relate to this? You can see my other posts about the background. I have an ultimatum, "move out with your kids by the end of May". She is conflicted, crying about, she still loves me and wishes it wasn't this way. I think I know what the major issue now truly is and I'm not sure I can make that change yet....long story, but it means my almost 19 year old son would need to move out of our house. I need to figure that out ASAP, because until that is dealt with, nothing else will matter. That is a confirmed boundary that she refuses to change, regardless for her love for me. It comes from not only her past (major trauma with an "ACE score" 8'10...if you know, you, know), but feeling it's best for her kids too. That means that if I want a chance of repair (or starting over, which is best, as what we had got us where we are), he can't be here...so he needs to live with his mom (my ex-wife) OR my sister (who has offered). So, to help me deal with the "idea" of a life without her, which we must face reality, that COULD happen despite all the best efforts, I have tried to imagine a life without her and it's hard. Part of that has me feeling a little guilty. Because of the end of May deadline for change or leave, I have HAD to do the practical things like look for a place to live of that happens. I also tried to imagine a partner other than her. I know if it doesn't work and we don't stay together and separate, and if then if it is permanent and we don't get back together....I know I won't be "alone" for the rest of my life. With that, I have to accept the reality that I may be with someone other than her. And as much as that hurts, I have to accept that and....that has led to me feeling guilty. It almost feels like cheating on her. Does that make any sense to you? Anyone else feel this way when thinking of a life without "your person"? The reason I think this way, of a life without her, is more of a protection mechanism I think. It's a way of telling myself, "I will do everything I can, I will work on myself to become a better man and if she will accept that new version of me to be her husband, then I will be the happiest man on earth; but, if not, then I need to be ready to accept that fact and move on...because I cannot control her, I can only control myself and hope she is open to see the changes".

A lot of men in separation are stuck in three traps. And unless you see these clearly… you stay stuck in the same loop. Trap 1: Blaming her “She’s changed.”“She’s cold.”“She’s the one who’s given up.” Sometimes that feels true. But it leaves you powerless. Because everything depends on her changing. Trap 2: The 50/50 mindset “We both made mistakes.” On paper, that sounds fair. But in practice… it keeps you waiting. Waiting for her to meet you halfway. Waiting for her to do her part. And right now, she’s emotionally out. So nothing moves. Trap 3: Beating yourself up “I’ve ruined everything.”“This is all my fault.” This looks like responsibility. But it isn’t. It just collapses you. And a man who’s collapsed… can’t lead anything forward. So the shift isn’t blame. And it’s not self-blame either. It’s ownership. Taking full responsibility for your side of the marriage… without losing yourself in it. Without defensiveness.Without excuses.Without waiting. Because this is the reality most men have to face: Relationships may be 50/50. But leadership isn’t. And when your wife has checked out… someone has to go first. That’s where the dynamic starts to change. Not when you convince her. Not when you get the perfect words. But when you stop focusing on her… and start leading yourself properly. That’s what we’re breaking down this week inside the training The Ownership Shift. And why it changes everything.

Im realizing so much since I’ve began working on myself. This is the hardest task that I’ve experienced, self growth. I’m seeing that my behavior has been the biggest factor of why my relationship has got where it is. I used to blame my wife for her behavior but she was just mirroring mine for the most part. I’m taking radical accountability for myself and why I’m where I am bc I’m not even the man I’d look up to. I became weak, needy, bitchy, not consistent, blame full, lazy. I was reactive instead of responsive and I didn’t listen, I pretty much was acting like a child in my relationship instead of a man. I wondered why my wife didn’t want sex…. I’m seeing why now. I used sex to regulate my emotions, I thought just bc I was the husband and all that I did that sex should just be given. Wrong!! I’m not sure why I’m writing this, maybe for accountability, maybe for finally realizing my bullshit. I’m trying to get past whatever the outcome will be with my wife. Im going to have faith that I can become the man that I’d would look up to and the man that others would want to be. Stay positive guys. We can do this!!