Can anyone relate to this? You can see my other posts about the background. I have an ultimatum, "move out with your kids by the end of May". She is conflicted, crying about, she still loves me and wishes it wasn't this way. I think I know what the major issue now truly is and I'm not sure I can make that change yet....long story, but it means my almost 19 year old son would need to move out of our house. I need to figure that out ASAP, because until that is dealt with, nothing else will matter. That is a confirmed boundary that she refuses to change, regardless for her love for me. It comes from not only her past (major trauma with an "ACE score" 8'10...if you know, you, know), but feeling it's best for her kids too. That means that if I want a chance of repair (or starting over, which is best, as what we had got us where we are), he can't be here...so he needs to live with his mom (my ex-wife) OR my sister (who has offered). So, to help me deal with the "idea" of a life without her, which we must face reality, that COULD happen despite all the best efforts, I have tried to imagine a life without her and it's hard. Part of that has me feeling a little guilty. Because of the end of May deadline for change or leave, I have HAD to do the practical things like look for a place to live of that happens. I also tried to imagine a partner other than her. I know if it doesn't work and we don't stay together and separate, and if then if it is permanent and we don't get back together....I know I won't be "alone" for the rest of my life. With that, I have to accept the reality that I may be with someone other than her. And as much as that hurts, I have to accept that and....that has led to me feeling guilty. It almost feels like cheating on her. Does that make any sense to you? Anyone else feel this way when thinking of a life without "your person"? The reason I think this way, of a life without her, is more of a protection mechanism I think. It's a way of telling myself, "I will do everything I can, I will work on myself to become a better man and if she will accept that new version of me to be her husband, then I will be the happiest man on earth; but, if not, then I need to be ready to accept that fact and move on...because I cannot control her, I can only control myself and hope she is open to see the changes".

Don’t have any where else to go with this. I’m really freaking struggling this week!! I’m craving my wife, her touch, everything that was there before she built her wall. I’m keeping it together around her but damn I miss her. How do you miss someone that’s still in the same house? I want to tell her to just leave if she’s leaving but that’s not what I truly want, it just seems that would make the hurt not as bad. Glad I have this group to go to, just needed a place to put this.

So tonight was kind of a tough one. Wife and I were sitting on the porch as we have been for a few weeks, where we just relax and chat. Tonight, the marriage was talked about. She went on about all the things that I’ve done and haven’t in the relationship, that I was or had been a weak man (that hurt), she expressed how she feels about us. She said that there were things that she couldn’t get over and can’t get past and that the separation was still going to happen. I took accountability for it, I let her vent. I stayed calm and grounded although it was hard to hear how I’ve made her feel. I told her that I’d be ok with her decision and that I’d still fight for what I wanted and that’s for our marriage, that no matter the outcome I’d still continue to grow into the man I am becoming. I’m trying to decipher if it was a “test”. She mentioned that she’s seen me walking around with my shirt off and flexing and that I was doing it to try to impress her. She went on to say that none of that matters to her, the changes in behavior that I’ve made, etc etc doesn’t make a damn anymore, that the change is to late. I responded that I wasn’t doing it for her, it’s for me, I’m gaining my confidence back, that’s why I’m walking around with my shirt off, I’m putting in the effort and I’m happy with my progress from working out physically and working out mentally. As I sit here, I’m trying not to focus on the outcome of a separation and that she truly doesn’t want this relationship any longer. It’s hard!! I’m telling myself it was a test, that she wouldn’t be saying that I’m the same if she hasn’t noticed change to see if I react. Maybe I am making her curious…..

Thanks to those who joined me live. For those who missed it, here is the recording. Remember, all previous videos are in the Classroom page at the top of Skool interface. I'll be back on Thursday, usual time - 5pm UK time, live in Skool.

Inside this training, I cover one of the most important shifts a man can make during separation, moving from panic, neediness, and fixating on his wife, to building a life he genuinely respects and loves. I explain why so many men unintentionally make their wife the centre of everything during a marriage crisis, and why that actually weakens them and pushes her further away. I unpack the idea that healthy detachment is not giving up on the marriage, but becoming steady enough that you are no longer emotionally dependent on her moods, approval, or reassurance. I also talk about how this shift happens in real life, not just in theory. That means taking responsibility for your own happiness, meeting your emotional needs in healthy ways, reconnecting with purpose, structure, friendships, contribution, and the things that make you feel alive again. The heart of this training is simple, you do not save your marriage by obsessing over how to fix her or force the outcome. You give it the best chance by rebuilding yourself, becoming stronger, calmer, more grounded, and creating a life that you are proud to live, with or without her.