In reading "Thinking, Fast and Slow" one of the concepts that stood out was this idea of the experiencing self vs. the remembering self and how the ending or peak moments of a situation can create a bias about the experience as a whole which then contributes to the experiencing self making decisions that are biased and potentially problematic. It actually made me think of @Serena DAfree 's AMAZING group (dafree-community--a group about domestic violence awareness) and maybe how this principle applies to victims that continue coming back to problematic situations. The experiencing self is the you that lives moment to moment. It feels the boredom, the joy, the discomfort, the calm. It exists only in the present. The remembering self is the storyteller. It looks back, edits aggressively, keeps the highlights and the emotional spikes, and then decides what something “was like.” This is the self that answers questions like “Was that trip worth it?” or “Was that relationship good for me?” (To apply it to poor relationships/bad jobs/chaotic dynamics--The experiencing self remembers the stress, the anxiety, the walking-on-eggshells feeling. It knows the situation feels bad while it’s happening. The remembering self, however, edits the footage. It keeps the intense highs, the relief after conflict, the rare good moments, and conveniently blurs the long stretches of discomfort. Then it tells a story like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “But when it was good, it was really good.” So people go back. Again and again.Not because the situation feels good overall, but because the ending or the peak moments stand out. Your brain weighs the apology, the reunion, the occasional validation more heavily than the daily emotional tax) Most of our decisions are made to satisfy the remembering self, not the experiencing one. That’s why we endure miserable commutes for status, stay in relationships that look good on paper, and chase peak moments instead of daily well-being. The remembering self loves a good story. The experiencing self just wants fewer bad moments.

Spotlight on @Steve Webb this week! Check out his community here: 30daychallengers (a community that aims to help with personal improvement in different domains of life through 30 day challenges!) This has EASILY become one of my favorite spaces to be in skool. The community is solid and encouraging, the challenges are fun/engaging and also meaningful! Opportunities for growth are there and ready for the taking! And Steve is not so bad himself. Jk, he's great! :)

I'm going to be just a little sassy for a quick second...I'm mainly speaking to myself here, but if this hits home for any of you, maybe that's okay too. "Stop shrinking to fit yesterday's version of you". One of the things that I really struggle with hearing is the phrase "This is just who I am".. Is it who we are or is it the habits that we've built over time that 'feel' ingrained? We often tie identity to the things to which we've habituated but does the need to then become our identity? Maybe, maybe not. (Also, a side note---I think that this month, more than any other months in the past, I've been challenged to really embrace challenges--this has been through conversations, through readings, through random IG reels (I guess that's not so random), through too many mediums to really ignore as mere coincidences. It's a call to action. If we don't embrace challenges willingly, challenges will find us and then the question will be: Are we in a place where we've built the warrior within to be able to handle it? ) A nod to @John D @John Kennedy @Dan 'Remmy' Stourac @LaTanya Carter @Ruth aka Grace Rose @Dr. Melissa Partaka @Steve Webb and Jesus who I can't tag (and to each one of you that have shared the challenges that you're taking on and your perseverance!!). One of the strongest findings in psychology is that our beliefs about ability influence how we behave, how we handle tough situations and also how we deal with setbacks. Carol Dweck (a short video below) has done research on the difference between how people handle situations. A fixed mindset sees abilities as static. A growth mindset sees abilities as skills that can change with effort, strategy, and support. The difference sounds simple, but it shifts everything about how we respond to challenge.

Spotlight on @Dan 'Remmy' Stourac for today! He has written multiple books, including: An Arsenal of Gratitude: Waging War on Mediocrity and Regret (i like books that don't repeat themselves--this book delivered so well last month! New things to ponder in each chapter) Pissed Off with a Purpose: Waging War on Fear He also runs his own community here: prospirit

A little personal background (not necessary to read to get the content below): Back in 2017 I had decided that 2018 was going to be a "Year of Yes" (title inspired by Shonda Rhymes--creator of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal). Out of necessity rather than desire, I've had to make some bold and uncomfortable moves in 2017 and I told myself that 2018 had to be different.. It HAD to for my own sanity..I didn't want to be a spectator in my own life and wanted to be an active agent... So...that year consisted of saying yes to all sorts of things--yes to doing deep work (thank you Bible/God, thank you Brene Brown, thank you other books and friends), yes to things that scared me (e.g. speaking at a seminar, doing a radio show, running a self esteem workshop, doing activities solo, saying 'no' to things that didn't fit what I actually needed), saying yes to different connections ( @LaTanya Carter -I appreciate you more than you'll ever know!!!) . I stumbled A LOT and fell often, but I also became more confident, more independent, more conscientious of boundaries, more of myself. As a result of 2018, 2019 became my 'resurrection' year or my 'phoenix' year. Rising from the ashes. (Funny that it coincided with my 33rd year in life-maybe that's why I called it the resurrection year). So....as I'm reflecting on this past year and coming up into the next, I figured it's time...It's time for another "Year of Yes". I think it's been brewing. ______________BEGIN THE REAL POST________________________________ *Please watch the video if you have th time. :) :) People hear the phrase a "Year of Yes" and automatically think that it means impulsive decisions, saying yes to a bunch of new activities, being busy with all sorts of things, "bucket list"...But the reality is that it's more like..exposure therapy for the soul. It's breaking up with things that hold you back from living an aligned life. It's saying no to things like unhelpful fear, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, self-doubt and the "maybe later" type language.