Been thinking about how to optimize my time more and how to get more sneaky with some habits and then I remembered habit stacking. I'm not sure if this is self induced gaslighting, but I'm here for it. You may be familiar with it and even if you're not, you may already be doing it! ✨Habit stacking is the idea of attaching a new habit to something you already do consistently. Instead of relying on raw motivation (which is an elusive sneaky lil fella), you use existing routines as anchors. Your brain already knows the old habit, so the new one gets a free ride. I mean...who doesn't like a free ride? Habit stacking works on a simple formula:After I do current habit, I will do new habit.Because the first habit is automatic, the second one feels easier and less dramatic. How do you actually do it? 1. Pick a habit you already do every day without thinking. Brushing your teeth, making coffee, opening your laptop, getting into bed. 2. Add a tiny habit that takes less than two minutes at first. Keep it SUPER small! 3. Be very specific. Vague habits die fast. 4. Keep the order the same every time so your brain starts linking them. We're getting ourselves conditioned! Yay. Examples of habit stacking in real life: *After I brush my teeth, I floss one tooth. Yes, one. Momentum usually does the rest. *as soon as I get out of bed, I'll do one pushup--more will follow. • After I pour my morning coffee, I write one sentence in my journal • After I get into bed, I name one thing that went well today Your brain loves patterns and hates extra decisions. Habit stacking reduces friction and decision fatigue. Instead of asking “Should I do this?” or "what should I do?" You are saying “This comes next” Decision made. Common mistakes to avoid: • Stacking too much at once. One habit is enough (guilty of this!) .• Making the new habit too big. If it feels heavy, it will not stick (guilty of this too..biting more than I can chew) • Picking an anchor habit that is inconsistent. If the first habit is shaky, the stack collapses.

I've been thinking about other people's lives a lot this past week--especially as we encounter the holiday season. Sonder is the realization that every person you pass has a life as complex and vivid as your own. The 'main character' of their own stories but also the 'side characters' of many more. Strangers in a strange land. Each person is carrying unseen stories, responsibilities,grief, joys,hopes, disappointments... Perspective taking is the skill of holding that awareness without losing yourself. It does not mean excusing behavior but it does mean understanding context. When we practice sonder, we soften assumptions and we interrupt our reactivity and postpone our judgments. We make room for curiosity. This shift can change how we interpret conflict, misunderstandings, and silence. It can change a moment from aggression/reaction to something more peaceful. It can help us step outside of ourselves. Question to ponder: What might shift if you paused to consider that someone else’s behavior is shaped by a story you cannot see? Poll: How do you manage interpersonal challenges?

In reading "Thinking, Fast and Slow" one of the concepts that stood out was this idea of the experiencing self vs. the remembering self and how the ending or peak moments of a situation can create a bias about the experience as a whole which then contributes to the experiencing self making decisions that are biased and potentially problematic. It actually made me think of @Serena DAfree 's AMAZING group (dafree-community--a group about domestic violence awareness) and maybe how this principle applies to victims that continue coming back to problematic situations. The experiencing self is the you that lives moment to moment. It feels the boredom, the joy, the discomfort, the calm. It exists only in the present. The remembering self is the storyteller. It looks back, edits aggressively, keeps the highlights and the emotional spikes, and then decides what something “was like.” This is the self that answers questions like “Was that trip worth it?” or “Was that relationship good for me?” (To apply it to poor relationships/bad jobs/chaotic dynamics--The experiencing self remembers the stress, the anxiety, the walking-on-eggshells feeling. It knows the situation feels bad while it’s happening. The remembering self, however, edits the footage. It keeps the intense highs, the relief after conflict, the rare good moments, and conveniently blurs the long stretches of discomfort. Then it tells a story like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “But when it was good, it was really good.” So people go back. Again and again.Not because the situation feels good overall, but because the ending or the peak moments stand out. Your brain weighs the apology, the reunion, the occasional validation more heavily than the daily emotional tax) Most of our decisions are made to satisfy the remembering self, not the experiencing one. That’s why we endure miserable commutes for status, stay in relationships that look good on paper, and chase peak moments instead of daily well-being. The remembering self loves a good story. The experiencing self just wants fewer bad moments.

Spotlight on @Steve Webb this week! Check out his community here: 30daychallengers (a community that aims to help with personal improvement in different domains of life through 30 day challenges!) This has EASILY become one of my favorite spaces to be in skool. The community is solid and encouraging, the challenges are fun/engaging and also meaningful! Opportunities for growth are there and ready for the taking! And Steve is not so bad himself. Jk, he's great! :)

I'm going to be just a little sassy for a quick second...I'm mainly speaking to myself here, but if this hits home for any of you, maybe that's okay too. "Stop shrinking to fit yesterday's version of you". One of the things that I really struggle with hearing is the phrase "This is just who I am".. Is it who we are or is it the habits that we've built over time that 'feel' ingrained? We often tie identity to the things to which we've habituated but does the need to then become our identity? Maybe, maybe not. (Also, a side note---I think that this month, more than any other months in the past, I've been challenged to really embrace challenges--this has been through conversations, through readings, through random IG reels (I guess that's not so random), through too many mediums to really ignore as mere coincidences. It's a call to action. If we don't embrace challenges willingly, challenges will find us and then the question will be: Are we in a place where we've built the warrior within to be able to handle it? ) A nod to @John D @John Kennedy @Dan 'Remmy' Stourac @LaTanya Carter @Ruth aka Grace Rose @Dr. Melissa Partaka @Steve Webb and Jesus who I can't tag (and to each one of you that have shared the challenges that you're taking on and your perseverance!!). One of the strongest findings in psychology is that our beliefs about ability influence how we behave, how we handle tough situations and also how we deal with setbacks. Carol Dweck (a short video below) has done research on the difference between how people handle situations. A fixed mindset sees abilities as static. A growth mindset sees abilities as skills that can change with effort, strategy, and support. The difference sounds simple, but it shifts everything about how we respond to challenge.