Daily Dose of Integrity Imagine being able to speak your mind without worrying about what other people will think of you. Imagine speaking your mind without worrying if what you are saying is the right thing to say. Imagine being able to assertively stand up for yourself and your loved ones. Imagine never feeling the need to apologize for who you are or what you want. Imagine being able to live carefree, without shame and the “I'm not good enough” story in your head. Imagine going to bed knowing that you courageously took every opportunity available to you and that you've got no regrets, because you always know what you should be doing in every situation. I'm so confident in my ability to help people like you unleash their highest level of self-worth, that I offer a free coaching session for you to see how it feels to work with me without any sales pitch or obligation. In this one hour session we will uncover the biggest barrier to your confidence, and assess whether you have an awareness or a courage problem. To apply for a free session email me at: [email protected]

It took more than a decade to get here. My videos never go viral or get major support, but you few who watch and appreciate them make it all worthwhile. Here's to another 5,000!

Having realized a few weeks back, what an emotional flashback was opened up an entire new world for me. Thanks @Slava K for suggesting "Surviing to Thriving "by Pete.W. Not only did the book connect many dots for me, it also gave me practical tips to handle these flashbacks. The main ideas were knowing the Inner Critic - the Outer Critic. The loops they got one into. So at the deepest level was this childhood abandonment depression because of not proper caretaking. And the darkness, dread and depression being too intense, triggers Shame and Fear which brings on a flashback. And the IC or OC starts with its criticizing, and depending on our types we behave with one of the 4F's Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. mostly a combination of the 2 out of the 4. The way out of the flashback, is 1. telling yourself that you're safe and not in any real physical danger. 2. Learning to relax your muscles especially shoulders, facial and back. 3. breathing deeply and slowly 4. learning to do fewer things, more deliberately. 5. Shrinking the IC by using VIsual stop signs and thought redirecting, substitution. 6. Telling yourself you are an adult and you have friends and resources that will come to your aid, if needed 7. The above reduces All or Nothing thinking Drasticising,etc 8. Mindful practices to slow the thinking /ruminating mind. One of the detox activities is to stay away from events or people that trigger you till you have learned to desensitise yourself / your reactions. I had to hold a meeting at our family business office, as the recruitment business had this address. This place is super triggering for me. Also, I've many hurt, angry feelings around this place. Still, had I held the meeting elsewhere, the person would not have taken my business seriously. So It had to be done. And, instead of pissing around it, I took the bull by the horns. I called ahead and told a staff member to have one of the office cabins cleaned. This office is adjacent to where my sister sits, with whom I've blocked communication with and who's in charge of everything.

I am writing today to ask for help from you all. I struggle still to keep my self focused on my courage quest, on being decisive, on taking actions, and speaking. These things are what I am practicing, and what I am here for, and there has always been a level of challenge. Today I have hit a point where I have a flu, so an extra stress on top of the fatigue issues, work, caregiving, etc., and I have hit a deadline where I have to write a couple of emails that I have been putting off that have baring on my finances and my social life. I am just wanting to stay in bed and read comics ..... so I need some self encouragement , and a bit of an ability to push through another level. I know it needs to come from within (and I am learning this in the practices I have been doing, it is just this is a bit more of a challenge to my lifetime of inertia) , and I am asking for any encouragement , good ideas, etc? I am feeling anxious and unsure if this kind of naming a challenge , and asking for others help is ok in this forum? I do doubt myself sometimes still, and seek external permission. In this case (and in the dealing with health and communication) I am giving myself permission to ask.

My addictions, in particular to weed, have been notably getting better. Having a better sense of possible hope for purpose and escaping a pattern of abuse at work has really helped a lot. There are still a couple patterns I've observed where it still becomes a problem: 1) While I do hope to have more work life balance and play music more in the future (and play with my dog, read books recreationally, etc.), at the moment I have many upcoming deadlines and this seems quite impossible in the short term. So I smoke as a sort of rapid decompression at the end of the day. I wonder if there is a way to truly turn off that urge 2) Also in general if things come up that are unexpected and stressful I tend to immediately turn to it for emotional regulation. It seems a healthier thing to do would be to simply take a long walk and reflect. Any tips for changing that pattern and habit?