“Sometimes I wonder, is it wrong to long for our former days? When my life appears on track from the outside when everyone believes I have all I could ever want there’s still a piece of me searching for clarity Memory alone isn’t enough Maybe it’s just another restless night tossing and turning chasing sleep while questioning why I feel this way I close my eyes, trying to let it all fade And then all at once a memory crashes over me like a rogue wave Unpredictable and unforgiving Reality blurs at the edges $7,000 and the promise of it all to come, taking a man at his word A piece of land to build on A new beginning A chance to bring a growing family together, to carve out a place of their own Time passed, So did the deed And in an instant, a man who once believed he had nothing held the key to everything And then there I am eight years old again, perched atop a pale blue flight of handcrafted stairs built with ropes and boards long before I was ever a thought Yet here I sit, arms wrapped around bent knees gazing over the Long Island Sound watching the glistening horizon wondering when things would change for me A bluff overlooking brush, water, and sand A sun always setting over the sea painting the sky in brilliant colors as if just for me Hues of orange, pink, blue, and violet shift as minutes slip through my fingers counting down to the last sliver of light The day vanishes into the tide folding itself into the rhythm of the waves It was unlike anything you could ever see with the naked eye Tumbled glass Rocks polished smooth by time itself The ocean’s voice crashing against the shore a sound that could only be created by something divine I’ve never been religious never been one to pray but I swear, on everything I’ve ever known, there is nothing more spiritual than where that shoreline water met my feet Clear and crisp Pure and pristine I can still close my eyes and be there, standing on that beach I’ll never forget the day I turned 14 I thought that place wasn’t enough