ADHD, RSD, and the First Time Someone Leaves Your Community
I run a community for ADHD and I have ADHD - Churn hurts my feelings. Something people do not talk about enough is how intense the first member churn can feel when you have ADHD. When someone leaves, the ADHD brain does not read it as neutral data. It reads it as rejection. Even when you logically know people leave communities for a hundred reasons, RSD can turn that moment into an emotional sting. Did I do something wrong? Did I miss something? Was I not helpful enough? That first churn can land hard. Here is the interesting part though. With time, exposure, and regulation, that sting changes. After more churn happens, your nervous system learns something important. This is not danger. This is not personal. This is normal. As the emotional charge softens, the logical brain is finally able to step in and say, "People come and go. Needs change. Timing matters. Churn is part of every healthy community." That does not mean you stop caring. It means your system no longer treats churn like a threat. This is one of those quiet ADHD growth moments. Not because the feeling disappears instantly, but because you learn how to regulate through it and not let it hijack your sense of safety or competence. Curious question for you: Have you noticed moments where RSD felt intense at first, but softened over time once your nervous system learned it was safe? These are the skills that do not show up on a checklist, but matter just as much.