What’s up community, I want to send out a shout out to a group of my guys who who are tapping into the Law of Identity and making positive changes. I love seeing my guys being resilient, understanding they are not broken, they have everything they need. Moving from the brink of relationship collapse to transformation by learning how to speak the language of connection 101 is a reality. Therapist and creator of Relational LIfe Therapy Terry Real says "..in his office, most of his work is with men is giving them what their caregivers did not give them emotionally." This reasonates as I grew up in a home of a matriarch, several aunts and my grandmother. My grandmother was atop of the hierarchy. The issue however, I too did not get what I needed emotionally from my caregivers. No one taught me how to handle my emotions in relationships. *Primary vs Secondary Emotions from a Performance Anxiety Lens. The first tool my client receives is a Feelings Wheel created by Gloria Willcox. if you are unfamiliar with the Feeling Wheel, I encourage you to pause and take the time to get one in front of you. Here’s The First Key: Each of us have a manbox. This box is impacted by things such as culture norms. Our manbox is filled with feeback leaning on our idiosyncrasies annd subjective feedback gained through personal experiences such as our history tied trauma. Those who do tap into their feelings communicates: - Anger - Frustration - “I don’t care” The Second Key: Simple Brain Science -Primary emotion (center of the feeling wheel) = first feeling in the body, fast, survival-based, unconscious - Happens before thinking, we react to the uncomfortable feeling. - Feeling comes from the lower emotional brain - Designed to protect us, adaptive, survival, the thinking brain offline.  Examples: - Hurt - Fear - Sadness -Secondary emotion = our reaction to the first feeling, the primary emotion, the center of the wheel: Examples: - Hurt → turns into anger - Fear → turns into control - Sadness → turns into shutdown

All disconnection is a performance anxiety issue - follow here to learn how to Identify & stop your dance of disconnection - take control of your dance & develop meaningful connections💪🏾

What's up community. First of all, if your relationship made it through January, take a moment to celebrate. January is known as the highest month for divorce. If I am going to make a guess, this happens right after the holiday season when life gets back to normal. The majority of the divorces filed by women. It's becoming more common that I am reading about men reporting that they were blindsided when their relationship ended. This is troublling for me to hear. If I was a betting man, most of these guys are missing signs the end is near. In this post, I am going to touch on this topic and hope I can provide some valuable feedback. Why So Many Men Feel Blindsided When a Relationship Ends Just the other day, I was doom scrolling online, "my girl left me, I'm struggling, I was blindsided." Men often say the relationship ended out of nowhere. Amost always, they also say: “I’m struggling emotionally.” One question to consider is "did the struggle start long before the breakup?" The Hidden Reason Men Miss the Warning Signs The most common place men get stuck is something called ambivalence. Ambivalence means: It's like voices or internal family in your head says: - One part of you knows change is needed - Another part of you wants things to stay the same This inner conflict is exhausting—and overtime, easy to ignore. Most men who feel blindsided knew something was off. "Is it possible, they just didn’t feel safe, skilled, or supported enough to change so they shut down and stuck to the status quo?" “They warn I'm tired” — What That Really Means When women talk about or left the relationship, there is a common theme: “I was tired.” (red flag) This doesn’t mean weak or dramitic - usually meaning emotionally worn down The relationship is unbalanced The connection felt loose. Communication felt heavy. Emotional safety faded. Like a charger that was no longer plugged in-the relationship slowly lost power. Why Men Shut Down Instead of Changing Many men were warned directly or indirectly - Most missed or misread the signs.

“The Law Of Identity” How Are U Going To Show Up In 26’?”

Yo, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays Community. Just tapping to share an experience that might resonate with you. The holidays can be stressful. As a matter fact of will be sitting on a panel of experts on how to manage holiday stress. One reminder in this communication today is to let this be a reminder to manage your self-care. Find fun and appreciate those moments that seem insignificant. The family was out for dinner in Chicago at the Navy Pier. We were proceeding past build a bear and I wanted a souvenir. I reached for a teddy bear and then I paused. And there he was - It was a the Grinch. An employee pointed me to the bin. There he was, I picked him up, - just a shell, no filling, no life, LOL no emotions aka “just a shell of himself’- He did have a heart, three sizes large attached to him. I didn’t know at the time, build a bear stuffed animals come with a heart - I engaged in build a bear ritual right before I inserted his heart into his back. I got a Birth Certificate & A build a bear house. “Sometimes the right questions can be so powerful.” Sitting at the table waiting for our food, He asked “what was the most enjoyable moment so far this evening.” I was not fully present because I loathe these moments - I often see this questions as time fillers. However, on this occasion, after I locked in - something was different - I did have a most enjoyable moment, with a smile on my face I said “I got one, it’s my Grinch.” Now looking back, the way my brain works.l, as the build a bear added value by stuffing my Grinch - my Grinch probably 3x’d in value versus the cost of just the shell I initially picked up out of a bin. Then it hit me, That’s my role here, stuff my guys, create value - create rituals - put a smile on their face. Moral of the story, create, recognize & make note of fun memories with meaningful others. Appreciate You Community .