9d • General discussion
Feelings & Emotions, not the same thing
What’s up community,
I apologize, I have been running around this spring and it has got the best of me - in a good way – more on this later.
Recently I read some comments on IG going back and forth about some confusion if feelings and emotions are the same thing. By the time you complete this short read, you’ll have some clarity.
So, hang with me, sometimes the nerd in me likes to get a little teachy. I will try to lean more into storytelling.
First, to land the plane quickly - feelings and emotions are 100%, not the same thing.
Here’s the thing, this is important
The benefit of understanding the difference will increase your self-awareness. This will help you also recognize the feelings and emotions in others. Understanding the difference between emotions and feelings has the potential to play a major role in consistently disrupting intense fellowship that lends itself to the dance of disconnection.
emotion.
Simply the word means to emote. There are primary and secondary emotions (more on this later) – Primary emotions are the first true emotions, the bottom of the iceberg, they are honest, vulnerable, held in - probably connected to attachment needs - A lot of men will not engage the primary emotion, they feel unsafe.
Secondary emotions represent the tip of the iceberg. This is the what is sitting on top of the iceberg. come - often a protective strategy.
This all happens in milliseconds -
emotions are a reaction to something, the result of the brain assessing if things are cool – (i.e., “am I safe?”, “am I being disrespected?”, “do I matter?”).
figuratively, the emotions will be the tropical storm.
feeling -
A feeling is what happens when the mind notices and "describes the emotion" (we begin to think) – the experience of the emotion, the awareness of the reaction.
(i.e., I have “feelings of sadness, nervous, anger, lonely, and hurt” …….).
When your emotions detect something important – the body reacts, the unconscious response, (i.e., jaws clench, hands shake, sweating, the feeling in your gut)
Emotions first, feelings next -
The takeaway is learning how to pause. Remember, society accepts certain behavior from men, such as anger and shutting down. Now you can understand, most of the time, the pain is hiding underneath – causing men to suffer in silence. Guys have to start seeking out help to avoid the conditioned male response and find a safe space to express “I feel hurt.”
the impact of thinking, our thoughts.
Our nervous system is way ahead, on autopilot, unconscious behavior. The brain’s job is to scan for danger, and it does not ask questions - there's not time.
Emotions are fast, happens in milliseconds - before words, no logic means no rational explanation.
This is where the performance anxiety lens kicks in. The dance of disconnection starts when you do not feel safe.
Back to the tropical storm
Our thoughts can eitehr stop or drive the tropical storm of intense fellowship over warm waters.
Unmanaged emotions and feelings usually end up in warm water territory - spinning faster and faster, resulting in – the dance of disconnection, causing - someone walks off the dance floor.
Unchecked, unhealthy stories, referred to as “stink’n thinking, or cognitive distortions has consequences - The thinking brain goes offline, no logic, no rational thought - as a result, The Chimp or Adaptive Child takes over.
with one of them in control - chaos - you often say and do things that you later regret - creating distance between you and your partner – the safe and secure connection is lost.
My focus over the next couple of post discussing how the body, emotions, feelings, and thoughts all work together. Learning to increase your emotional awareness will help you slow down the dance or don’t allow the tropical storm to get in warm waters.
hope this helps,
@yocoachboom, bsaq1.com
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Feelings & Emotions, not the same thing
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Through the lens of the Grinch: "why good guys pull away when connection feels unsafe—and how to train presence instead of shutting down.”
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